What he had to say will probably only confuse you, unless of course you obtained a doctorate from the European School of Philosophy. But not the University of Chicago – everybody knows those hacks just say really big words. Ahem. Now onto the interview!

Slavojile, you’ve argued very vehemently against the hegemony of regimes that presume interpellating individuals in a set polity. Is that really just a subtle dig at Total Football?

The problem with a set polity and an emphasis on individuals as parts is that it overlooks the important role of psychology within each individual. Only when we focus on the category of the subject, accepting a degree of “manque”, will we begin to decipher anything of worth.

Slavdawg, you seem to walk a fine line in your interpretations of consciousness according to Marxist ideals. On the one hand, you reject the concept of “false consciousness”, yet you also claim no individual truly grasps their own motives. So, does Sergio Ramos wear tight green pants because he knows they’re ridiculous? Or is he clueless?

The existence of tension underscores a truth that cannot be plastered upon every landscape at every given time. On the one hand, the Marxist notion of false consciousness represented quite well the 20th century bourgeoisie – the prevalence of creature comforts sedated them into submission, and any attempts to empathize with the proletariat were hollow. However, just because the self cannot pinpoint it’s won motive, that does not foreclose a better appreciation of conscious workings in how those motives play out in the real world.

Slavvyslav, your work has been summarized as the Lacanian approach to reconciling the eternal tension between materialism and idealism. Basically, “the Real” is not experienced by the subject as our systems of comprehension order it. Does that explain why Camacho flipped his shit when Villa scored against Paraguay?

Sadly, your question answer itself with a very important presupposition. If we begin our analysis with a non-referential scope of ideology, then the domination of the subject’s senses and experiences clouds our conclusions. Only by rejecting these assumptions and inverting the pyramid can we approach a true and accurate Lacanian understanding of the modern self at this exact point in time.

Audioslavoj, you have steadfastly critiqued the modern desire to scientifically analyze the brain, concluding that a biological description would still leave a gap between material reaction & consciousness – that very gap, known in Freudian terms as “the death drive”, is, in your understanding crucial. Will Spain find any similar gaps in the Netherlands’ back line on Sunday?

A techno-scientific discourse is to philosophy as the conquistadores were to the natives of the Americas – all consuming, destructive, and a retardation. The desire to paint ourselves in a black & white light is tempting, yet ultimately this picture reflects more of what we hope for than the reality beneath. More troubling, this discourse, with its matter of fact descriptions and conclusions, obscures and ignores the more important, fascinating, and overarching questions of morality that guide the subject conscious self.

Slobslav, relying heavily on Descarte’s problem of possible automation, you take the controversial conclusion that consciousness is opaque – thus, one can never know if another conscious being is truly conscious or a mere mime. Do you think Xavi will dance circles around Von Bommel, like those annoying mimes along Las Ramblas?

The problem of interacting subjective conscious entities always comes back to the Husserlian failure to account to the other’s selfhood. Von Bommel and DeJong do not accumulate yellow cards because they are a tad slow or reckless in the tackle, but rather because they do not acknowledge the consciousness of opposing attacking midfielders.

The typical suspects have overcome group stage difficulties to rise to the top. However, no smoking gun has appeared to point out the single culprit most likely to win the tournament. Using a really big magnifying glass, a trench coat, a smart talking sidekick, and intuition, we embarked on an investigation of the remaining teams in this World Cup quarterfinals, searching for clues in a sea of uncertainty. Our conclusion as to who will win the World Cup?

All signs point to….

Let’s start with the obvious – you knew nothing about Paraguay except that their A closer inspection reveals a side more than capable of holding la furia roja without a goal for 90 minutes. Also, Argentine born – big in Germany -forward Lucas Barrios has proven potent up top, while Oscar Cardozo shined in Portugal this past year. Still, the albiroja would be a long shot for a finals appearance. Thus, they are among the list of secondary suspects – dangerous, but not requiring closer inspection at this time.

As for Uruguay, admit that you knew about Diego Forlan. He had a good season at Atletico de Madrid, scoring clutch goals in their successful Europa league campaign. However, aside from the game against South Africa, he has taken on an accomplice role. Diego is the distraction to the deadly, deceptive, and delightful enrachado Suarez, the Dutch young player of the year who has scored crucial goals this tournament for the charruas.

Despite the  world class striking tandem, depth at midfield poses a problem for Uruguay. Do they have the bodies to pull off a heist of global proportions? Probably not, as a nearly disastrous double yellow in the opening game against France revealed. Thus, the Uruguayans may pose a bigger menace than Ghana, they remain a secondary suspect.

Ghana is better than you thought. Despite the injury to Michael Essien, the seeds of the successful under20 side are blossoming nicely. Even Muntari, a strong role player in Inter’s successful treble winning season, struggles to get minutes. However, a glance at the magnifying glass reveals overly defensive tactics and a team too wet behind the ears. Could they upset Uruguay? It’s a remote possibility. But the semi-finals will probably be a bridge too far for Africa’s last remaining representative.

Now we move onto the primary suspects. The first is obviously Spain. The furia roja edged out a negative Portugal side which lacked any ounce of creativity in midfield. Still, David Villa aside, the Iberians have lacked a cutting edge in the 18 yard box. Despite Fernando Torres’ attempt to conceal his identity via hair color change, his lack of fitness has hindered his contributions. And his athletic and direct approach always stuck out like a sore thumb for Spain.

More troubling is Del Bosque’s overly negative tactics. The Spaniards two holding midfielders, Xabi & Busquets, means that Xavi has limited attacking targets. The lack of movement has been troubling. David Villa’s individual brilliance can probably lead them past Paraguay, but the semi-finals should see the limping Spaniards bounced in convincing fashion. The Spaniards are a primary suspect, but only just barely. Don’t count on finding their prints anywhere near the trophy.

Now, we turn out attentions to the disappearing Dutch. A glance at the roster gives us ample motive to assert Holland as favorites. However, going from paper to people, reasonable doubt creeps in. The Dutch locker room is always volatile, a tempestuous sea of swirling emotions where placid surfaces mask powerful undercurrents. Robin Van Persie’s recent outburst and lingering resentment from a basic free kick at Euro 2008 reveal a group of mean spirited, needy, and insecure professionals.

Up until this point, the Dutch coach has refrained from criticizing his own players, a rarity in the “everybody else is to blame” orange establishment. However, when the going gets tough, when the chips are down, the stylish Dutch 4-3-3 reveals a gaping hollow in the center as wingers complain about a “lack of service” rather than backtracking. Not to mention that this Dutch side has hardly played stylish attacking soccer so far. The orange’s suspect back line will haunt them against Brazil, in a closely contested affair more akin to involuntary manslaughter than premeditated murder.

Argentina has scored goals by the bucket, shielding an aging and lead footed back line. Javier Mascherano, aided by either Veron or Maxi, has worked tirelessly to feed the three striker attack while provided cover for Heinze and Demichelis. But will Di Maria provide enough width against a well organized German defense?

The bi-polar Diego gives both reasons to both suspect and discount the Argentinians. On the one hand, he has a happy locker room and confident group of attackers. On the other, he has failed to show the capacity to make an astute tactical substitution to turn a game in the albiceleste’s favor. The young Mueller and speedy Podolski may reveal the wear and tear on the defensive tires, but no team with Leo Messi and the in-form Tevez & Higuain can be dismissed out of hand. Expect a breathtaking quarterfinal, with the Argentines willing to attack, and the counterattacking Germans inviting them forward. Who will win? That would be more guesswork then detective work. A coin toss.

You can never underestimate the Germans. Never. Just when you figure the old guard has advanced into the sunset, a group of young and sprightly blonds, tall as an oak, sprint by your wingbacks and outjump your centerbacks. The biggest cause for concern, and suspicion, is the Turkish central playmaker.

Mesut Ozil’s ascent has been meteoric. June 29 of last year, he led the Under 20 side to a 4-0 thrashing of England. And this summer? Just a 4-1 drubbing in the World Cup. With the tireless Schweinsteiger in midfield, the ageless Klose occupying defenders, and the fearless Podolski out wide, Ozil offers a touch, vision, and reading of the game rarely seen in Deutschland. He is a primary suspect and must be watched closely, along with the rest of his German cohorts.

The primary suspect is the typical suspect is the usual suspect. Brazil. However, this Brazil wears gloves, a mask, dusts its own prints, and leaves no trace of impressive success in its wake. Not wanting to leave behind a shell, a bullet, or any other clue, the Brazilians prefer a much simpler, less noisy, and less messy manner of murder: asphyxiation.

Gilberto and Felipe Melo slowly wrap their paws around the game, patiently passing the ball with Lucio and waiting for a moment of weakness. All your intuition and instincts point to Brazil, yet no smoking guns appears. You blink your eye, and a first touch combination by Kaka, Elano, and Luis Fabiano leaves another talented side dead in the water. You blink a second time, and Robinho has just turned his defender and sidestepped a centerback, setting up Corrales for a tap-in.

And then they go back to pedestrian passing, a five foot pass backwards to a defender, a ten foot pass sideways to another, as if nothing had happened. You scratch your head in bewilderment, unsure of what you’ve just seen but uneasy all the less.

Uruguay vs. South Korea

I’ve underestimated Uruguay throughout this tournament, and I see no reason to stop now.  South Korea squeaks by in PKs.

USA vs. Ghana

Is it too early to call USA the Cinderella story of the tournament?  Two big crunch-time wins have given them at least even odds to make the Semifinals.  Jozy gets on the scoreboard today, and the USA sends the last African team packing.

Germany vs. England

It’s good for the US to be on the other side of this bracket.  Germany hasn’t been great at this World Cup, but England has been worse.  Germany in PKs.

Argentina vs. Mexico

El Tri will give the Argentinians a bit more than they expect–remember, Argentina hasn’t exactly had a top-flight opponent yet.  But the Argentinians have figured out how to score in a World Cup that has been lacking goals.  Argentina get a scare, but scrape this one out.

Netherlands vs. Slovakia

Yet another top flight team that hasn’t yet gotten a major challenge.  I’m pause to jump on the “Netherlands will finally win” bandwagon until I see them against a top 10 team.  Slovakia isn’t that team, but look at who’s up next after the Netherlands get through in a close match.

Brazil vs. Chile

It’s become pretty clear that Chile isn’t used to playing on a stage this big.  They controlled the game early vs. Spain but after conceding a goal deciding stabbing at the legs of opposing players would be enough victory for them.  Chile has racked up, by my rough count, 211 yellow cards and will be missing all 11 starters and 3 subs.  Brazil moves on, despite another threatening first 15 minutes by Chile.

Paraguay vs. Japan

Borrrring.  Paraguay tied an awful Italian team, beat Slovakia, and held onto a draw with the New Zealand All Blacks…or is it All Whites today?  I don’t know.  This somehow got them into the Round of 16.  Japan’s quickness eats them up.

Spain vs. Portugal

Spain get the matchup they want.  Right?  Maybe?  Aside from their 7 goal explosion against North Korea, Portugal have not looked exceptional this tournament.  Spain seem to have regained their footing, even if Torres is doing his best Emile Heskey impersonation.  But Spain have regained their footing against moderate opposition, and still only managed two goals against 10-man Chile last night.  This one goes to PKs.  Spain moves on.

Thus, here are your WORLD CUP BETTING TIPS.

Group A – The Group of Dearth

This group presents the most confusion as Mexico is incredibly young, Uruguay has hit a dry spell since the 1950’s, Raymond Domenech makes his starting 11 selection based on horoscopes, and South Africa is both the host & on a tear under Parreira. Still, a few things become clear.

First, Mexico will look great in possession but suffer from woeful finishing. Do you know who Alberto Medina is? You will. He will make great runs as a super sub, but  miss from five yards. Against Uruguay, Giovanni Dos Santos will probably have blood all up and down his legs from the “cleat-meat-special.” Carlos Vela may or may-not chip the keeper.

Second, France will be woeful. The new three winged attack will leave too much work on that one guy, you know, not named Makelele nor Zidane nor Vieira, Toula-hulu or something, and the lack of possession will hinder their progress. Plus, the lopsided attack on the left via Ribery, Malouda, and Evra will cause teams to shift bodies to the left. Which will cause France to experiment with Raymond Domenech as both coach, right back, and right mid. However, his failure to provide enough service to the temperamental Anelka, killing team chemistry.

My prediction? The two teams with the most points will advance out of the group. But barely…

Group B – The Group of Darth

Argentina is favored to advance, although the combined coaching skills of Diego Maradona, the sheer pace of Martin Palermo, and the calm temperament of Sebastian Veron, all make this proposition less than certain. South Korea will rely on Park Ji Sung and that one dude who plays for Bolton. And I think that one dude who plays for Bolton will do quite well, although not quite well enough for me to look up his name on wikipedia.

Nigeria will miss John Obi Mikel, but not as much as Jay Jay Ochoa. Or perhaps I am projecting my own longings and feelings on Nigeria. Regardless, the Chelsea curse has struck yet another national side. And as for Greece. Well, they bring a a brief flash of happiness to the financial chaos back home by creating a few scoring chances from the run of play, as opposed to setpieces. Then, in a brutal deflationary spiral, they will try to barter their shirts post-game for dollars or yen.

My prediction? This is a tough call, but the two teams will the most points will likely advance.

Group C – The Group of Doth

This will be a formidable group and much tougher than anticipated. Despite the blinding pace of Ledley King and the keen back passing of Steven Gerrard, the Three Lions will ride hard on both Wayne Rooney and Peter Crouch. Conversely, the United States will rely on goals from unlikely places: our forwards. The back line will be sliced to pieces, but an unusual twist – competent possession and crafty passing – will ensure more goals from the run of play than 06.

Slovenia will play some gorgeous possession football with first touch passing and triangles all over the pitch. However, the anglo-saxons and Algerians will scythe down the Europeans anytime they approach the 18 yard box. In fact, the Algerians will do their best to upstage the Greeks by playing the “Greece style” on meth.

My prediction? The two teams that have the most points after three games and superior goal differentials will advance. But barely.

Group D – The Group of Duluth

The Germans will miss Michael Ballack, but then remember that several of their other players played in the Champions League final and are under 30 years of age. Then, in assembly like fashion, they will move the ball from side to side and earn a set piece. On that set piece, they will head in a goal. Repeat. The cold weather may cause the gears to freeze up, but the machina is too well programmed to be bothered by such details.

Australia will rely on Tim Cahill, who despite being a tad old will create moments of true danger. However, the out of form Harry Kewell and dearth of other options will hinder the Aussie attack. Also, protests against Kangaroo leather in shoes will distract the players from the games at hand, potentially prompting a shift to Nike boots, which are made out of space alien skin.

As for Serbia, Nemanja Vidic will probably commit a series of serious fouls that should be red cards but are not because of his gregarious smile. With a nod and a wink, only a stern warning will be given and a set piece awarded. Ghana will miss Michael Essien and Stephen Appiah will show that you don’t need regular club football to perform poorly for your national team.

My prediction? The team with the least points will not advance. The team with the second to least points not advance. But BARELY.

Group E – The Group of Dither

Japan will continue to impress by abjectly failing to live up to paltry expectations. Denmark will rely on the grace, elegance, and cunning of Niklas Bendtner. The only question mark is whether his cerebral, methodical, and patient passing game will transfer to the rest of those brutish Danes. Think fish out of water, but so far out of water that the fish is in outer space. But the fish is not on Mars, because Mars has ice and the frozen water would be too similar to Denmark.

Cameroon will continue to rely on Samuel E’too, who under Jose Mourinho learned the art of playing forward and not scoring goals. But will his prolific not-scoring-goals-streak extend to the international level? With a bit of luck, it just might. As for the Netherlands, expect the offense to run through the elderly but indefatigable Gio Van Bronkhurst, who captured your affections at Arsenal but broke your heart at Barcelona. Despite playing for Feyenoord, pronounced Ti-na-Fay-eeeeeee-new-dddd, the outside back will supply plenty of service for the nimble footed Kuyt and iron man Van Persie.

Your best bet is to wager on the two teams with the most points advancing, although don’t bet a mortgage on it.

Group F – The Group of Dirk D

Italy will deploy the dreaded no forward formation, showing as much interest in the ball as your significant other. However, unlike yelling at you for your month long lack of attention, the Italians will complain to the ref about  every call, no call, and phantom no call. Fabio Cannavaro will show why that team from the Middle East recently signed him.

As for Paraguay, expect the Guarani to ride on the back of their recent Argentina acquisition. However, Roque Santa Cruz will remind you he still exists, briefly escaping from the closet Mancini hid him in while at City. New Zealand will exceed expectations. Slovakia, with some quality players in the Serie A, are the dark horses that could cause problems for the white horses, but I assure you it’s not a race thing to use extended metaphors that refer to dark as bad and white as good. I promise.

This group will be incredibly complicated, but you can count on the two teams with the most point safely advancing.

Group G – The Group of Death

Despite the injury to Didier Drogba, the Ivory Coast will make a strong showing. That is, at least until an individual player makes a mistake. Then, the infighting, finger pointing, and yelling will make the Dutch look like the Brady Bunch on methadone. North Korea will defend with numbers, but sorely miss their forward turned goalkeeper.

Brazil will impress you with their commitment to passing the ball sideways, passing the ball backwards, and then passing the ball sideways again. Kaka will assure his fans that he is not injured, rather he is simply “not healthy.” Robinho will show sparks of genius and creativity, only to be benched. Portugal will rely on Cristiano Ronaldo, despite the fact that Simao puts on better showings for the national team. Deco will aim to disprove Chelsea’s claims that he is not committed in training, but half-halfheartedly tackling when not standing still.

This is the toughest group to predict, but expect the two teams with the highest sum of points and best goal differential to advance. But barely.

Group H – The Group of Duuuudeth

Spain is the obvious favorite to advance, but let’s not discount the simmering rage instilled in the hearts of their former colonies. Sure, it’s been over a hundred years since the wars for independence, but Honduras and Chile would love nothing more than to tell that rey where he can stick his furia roja. Still, with injury questions for both David Suazo and Wilson Palacios, Honduras will probably struggle. As for Chile, Marcelo Bielsa led an electrifying qualifying campaign based on offense. However, he also built the Argentine team around Veron in the ill-fated 2002 campaign that was marred by the infamous 3-3-1-3.

As for the Swiss, expect the unexpectedly expected. Predict the unpredictably obvious. Live on the edge of the safe bridge with no chance of falling into the precipice. Gaze into the abyss and boldly proclaim – boring, boring, boring.

This is the toughest prediction, but a hunch makes me think that the two teams with the most points after three games will advance.

Well, the future is a terrifying place. I saw my own death, and, as expected, it sucks. I also saw a few other deaths – which likewise suck. You would never think that carrying a spoon while running down a flight of 12th century stairs in a Buddhist temple in Nepal would be dangerous, but then some careless monk tosses his banana peel and…You get the picture.

On the other hand, the future is amorphous. Too many writers toss out hypotheticals such as “If Madrid gets the first goal early, then…” or “If Lyon can survive the first 20 minutes, then…”.

Thus, in the interest of justice and reality and my journalistic integrity, I present my preview of the Madrid game with painstaking precision.

First, the game will take place at the Santiago Bernabeu stadium. I absolutely positively guarantee that this game will not be played at the Nou Camp, the Vicente Calderon stadium, or even the Sanchez Pizjuan stadium in Sevilla. Not a chance.

Second, I predict that despite a 1:30 game time, the actual start time will be at least ten minutes later. Not five minutes. Not six minutes. Not even seven minutes. TEN MINUTES. Why? Heineken commercials. Plus, Bank CEOs want to pay thousands of Euros for their kids to be on TV and hold players’ hands. And who am I to stop them?

Third, I predict that the first half will not last longer than 55 game time minutes. Not 56 minutes. Not even 55 and a half minutes. Not even 55 minutes and one second. 55 minutes and ya! Why? Because Sir Alex Ferguson is not the manager of Real Madrid and thus his magical capacity to extend matches while down one goal will be absent.

Fourth, I predict that the second half will not last longer than 55 game time minutes. Not 56 minutes. Not even 55 and a half minutes. Not even 55 minutes and one second. 55 minutes and ya! Why? Because Sir Alex Ferguson is not the manager of Real Madrid and thus his magical capacity to extend matches while down one goal will be absent.

Fifth, I predict that Real Madrid manager Manuel Pellegrini will wear a tie and suit. No t-shirt. No athletic shirt. No tennis shoes. Nike and Reebok emblems will be curiously absent. Not even a black cut-off with “Twisted Sister.” Suit. SUIT.  Suit pants. Suit jacket. Tie. Manuel will not even try to pull off white athletic socks with his dapper pants and dress shoes, like that time you were late to work but forgot to do the laundry the night before. No. If Manuel has to put on a stanky pair of shoes, it’s fine. After all, his co-workers run around and sweat and smell ten times worse. Okay, maybe only 5 times worse.

Sixth, the Real Madrid players will wear jerseys with their last name on the back and a gambling website on the front. The gambling website will be Bwin. Not BetUS. Not BetFair. Bwin. In the case of a repetitive last name or a last name of great length, a nickname will be used.

And as for the game? Well, that’s anyone’s guess. I do predict that if no goals are scored, Madrid will not advance. However, if some goals are scored, then Madrid may advance. MAY.

And you can count on it.

I begin with an observation – MLS and soccer in the US has grown from widely disregarded Milwaukee’s Best to counterculture status like a well respected regional microbrewery. The TV deal, the squabbles over the CBA, the split in the second division, these are the symptoms of adolescence. Congratulations, US soccer, you are about to hit puberty.

The haters have shut up. At least until the World Cup is months away and they can get some anti-football hits from Google by mentioning soccer in inflammatory headlines like a “liberal + sophomoric pejorative” titled Glen Beck book.  This means you are no longer the nerd on the beach with sand in the face. No, you are probably wearing a Marilyn Manson t-shirt and have several face piercings – the mainstream does not mock you, it fears you,a fear that springs from a lack of understanding.

Why? How? As per usual, the taste setters in CEO boardrooms have played a small role. An example.

A few years ago, the hedonistic and unheard of mixture of fruit and beer induced a typical anglo-saxon backlash. Major corporations rejected the concept as “foreign” and introduced a series of “man law commercials” to re-assert our broad shouldered masculinity. What happened? This mainstream rejection merely created a niche audience – fruit beer became the glowing lantern to the counterculture flies. The anti-buzz created buzz.

Once this group firmly entrenched itself at stadia around the US, a reasonable profit could be made. And then corporate America changed its mind and put a cosmopolitan spin on the flavor in an era of globalized media and outsourced tastes. And then hesitant midwesterners flocked to buy Bud Light Lime. Plus, fruit beer just tasted better.

With the US fielding a good side, MLS improving each year, and the World Cup months away, this could be yet another not-really-a-watershed-but-kinda-big step forwards for soccer. Or rather, high tv ratings for ESPN could reflect the hard work done by US soccer fans, players, and owners. Felicidades.

And, more importantly, the mainstream media has its tried and trued corporate spin, the jingo to catch the big time: young black male athletes. And our bizarre fetishism.

In the NBA, other great sites have analyzed in much greater detail this unique fascination stateside. I will only say that I am excited by the prospects of our striking tandem, but closer inspection brings about a puzzle. Especially when I look at the tandem of Jozy Altidore and the recuperating Charlie Davies. Jozy has better feet than old international Brian McBride, but has yet to establish the same consistency and aerial dominance. Charlie provides loads of pace, but still reminds me of the young and swashbuckling Donovan at Japan/Korea 02.

Why am I more excited about this US World Cup team than the last edition in 2006? Am I excited by these players because I am blinded by the flower of youth? Or have I bought into the media hype of “African Americans as Super Athletes?” Is there merit to such stereotypes? More importantly, even assuming such assumptions, in what ways does the US focus on “athleticism” shackle our team to the same either/or – black/white offense of full court press or painful counterattacking?

I have already written on the coming Hispanic wave, but let’s talk about another common racial discourse: the cunning, savvy, and swift pivoting Latin player. Assuming this assumption, can we find room for such “players” in our masculine run-at-all-costs game plan? Should we? Claudio Reyna could pick a pretty pass, but he was curiously absent during the defeat of Portugal in 02. He also got handcuffed for a Ghana goal in 06.

I am sorry if my satirical racialized discourse offended some of the more literal readers – and I know the Claudio jab may stir the petulant “MLS rumors crowd” pot. But I believe two things – first, the expectations and consciousness of the sport has never been higher. And this is good. Secondly, be sure you know what you watch and why. In any sport, we will inevitably marvel at the physical attributes of our idols. But why does the African American provoke a physical focus that reminds me more of “horse racing” than soccer?

An example. Jozy’s goal against Spain was great because he used his body to shield off Capdevila. And I like to think he intentionally placed his shot to wrongfoot Casillas. But my favorite goal from Jozy is his debut for Villareal where he timed his run and positioning to perfection, took a touch, lifted his head, and placed a low bending shot to the far post. I have no doubt every movement was calibrated and, like any good murder, premeditated.

Of course, perhaps this is my cerebral bias. But in terms of the big picture of US soccer and racialized discourse, please think about what you say and why you say it. I am not saying we cannot fawn over a speedy Davies run, just fawn for the right reasons.

To be continued….

For the life of me, I cannot decide if England is either “Andre the Giant” or “the Ultimate Warrior.” On the one hand, the shared language and culture parallels the eery kinetic bond between Hulk and the Warrior. However, on the other hand, some of the subtly condescending remarks bring to mind the disrespectful Giant. I am not attributing these perceptions to all English fans by any measure and definitely concede a huge kernel of truth in terms of competitive inequality.

But still, I want Dempsey to tear off his shirt. Or at least flex a python. Both would probably be too much to ask. Or would it?

My personal favorite event is the inevitable question for Argentina upon their elimination: “Why didn’t they play…x player?” In 2006, despite a stellar run, amazing play, and taking the host nation to penalty kicks, inevitably, the media had one question of Manuel Pellegrini: why didn’t he play Leo Messi? Granted, he did sub on Julio Cruz against Germany, a somewhat odd decision given Messi’s speed advantage.

In 2002, the results were even more disastrous. Marcelo Bielsa ill-advisedly constructed his teams’ offense around a sideways passing holding midfielder (Veron) and, well, Argentina failed to advance from the group phase. Emphasis on fail. And the obvious question…Why didn’t Bielsa start Pablito Aimar against England?

Right now, the prime candidate for “Argentina’s Star Sub Snub” is probably Kun Aguero. The young Argentine has played great for Atletico de Madrid, not seen significant national team minutes, and also recently separated from Diego Maradonna’s daughter. But not before having a kid.

The sad part is – I honestly believe Maradonna has tried to call up Kun Aguero. But here’s the catch: if your angry ex-father in law called you shortly after you left his daughter with a baby on board, would you answer? I get the feeling that every single one of Diego’s phone numbers flashes on Kun’s iphone as “No Contestar” (Do not answer).

And there is the whole Riquelme situation. A little bird tipped me off as to how exactly Maradonna reveals to players when they have been cut, and, to be honest, it’s a bit of a pansy gesture and slightly embarrassing. Here is how Roman got cut…

Could you work in such horrendous conditions? Is the big-eared rat or rabbit or whatever really necessary? Is that rabbit-rat really much better of an assistant coach than Oscar Ruggeri? Perhaps the AFA and Diego could have compromised on Oscar the Grouch.

Still, notwithstanding those fine gentlemen, I want an underdog to win this year’s A.S.S. (what a coincidence!) award.  I am pulling for dark horse candidates Javier Saviola or Lisandro Lopez. Assuming they make the roster.

Thanks to missing-in-action-writer dash doctoral-candidate Santi Ramos for pointing out this South American intricacy.

I cannot tell a lie – I see no problem with putting a fiver on a match or two. Basically, BetUS has asked for an ever so small slice of the limelight, I need to cover server fees, and, more importantly, Michel Foucault. Michel Foucault? Yes, Michel Foucault, the renowned French philosopher.  What does Michel Foucault think of this development and the upcoming English football fixtures? Let’s find out…

Arsenal is mired in a tailspin after losing at Sunderland and at home to the diabolical, aging, but not decrepit Blues man group. The 4-3-3 without Robin Van Persie lacks a forward capable of creating his own shot, yet Stoke should offer more than a sacrificial lamb. Michel predicts that the current madness at the Emirates will calm down and the Gunners will produce a civilized and convincing victory over Stoke.

Manchester United faces West Ham at Upton Park and in unfavorable circumstances. After a poor start, West Ham is hitting its stride and, with only Wayne Rooney showing signs of offensive life, this could be an upset pick. Foucault believes that the United backline’s lack of discipline this season may be punished, although you may want to check the latest betting football odds at BetUS before placing a fiver.

The next marquee match up is a classic battle of new rich vs. newer rich. Chelsea may have been knocked out of a cup competition midweek, but their victory at the Emirates solidified their status as topdawg. While City has a talented roster chocked full of individual talent, Mark Hughes has failed to form a winning combination. Michel is torn when trying to place an order on the things favorable in this game. On the one hand, if Hughes packs the midfield with De Jong, Ireland, and Barry, City may continue their lovely draw streak. On the other hand, with Robinho’s return to fitness, Hughes may take an offensive gamble. One on which Chelsea would capitalize.

Lastly, Liverpool visits Blackburn whom is boosted by the return to fitness of Sam Allardyce. With neither Gerrard nor Torres at 100% fitness and a negative home side, do not expect the goals to rain from the sky. Unless the Rovers can knick a goal off a set piece, expect a dull affair with the highlight being a Dirk Kuyt half-spin and volley which does not end wit him connecting with the ball.

Foucault would disregard a priori concepts of human nature and focus how Rafa’s discourse of “my players suck and underachieve and its not my fault” constitutes the current subjective reality of the Scousers’ mediocre season. And he would put a fiver on a 0-0 draw. He would reflect on BetUS when considering bet football picks online

The Goblin King was unavailable for an comment on the upcoming English action, so instead we have turned to an equally astute sage for counsel. Walter Mercado is the star-reading attraction of Don Francisco Presenta, a Spanish language staple variety hour whose longevity makes Bob Barker appear a puppy.

Mr. Mercado terrifies small children, may or may not drink goats’ blood, and has ever so graciously agreed to look ahead to this weekend of English Premiership action. As always, he glances into the horoscopes con mucho amorrrrrrr.

The first match under the microscope is Manchester City at Liverpool. Walter notes that Rafa Benitez, born April 16, is an Aries. As such…

A new idea — or a person full of new ideas — comes your way early today, and you should spend as much of your abundant energy as possible working through all the possibilities you can see so far.

Does that mean we will finally see an Alberto Alquilani sighting? Will the young Italian make an impressive impact? Or perhaps a sheik is waiting in the wings to buy out the American owners, spend a ton of money in the transfer market, and make Scousers’ christmas dreams come true…

But Walter emphatically did not mention a Liverpool victory. Or even a tie.

The next match analzyed by Walter is Everton at Manchester United. Sir Alex was born December 31st and is a brooding, moody Sagittarius. Walter foresaw that…

Your good energy is making you do some pretty crazy things — so get out there and show the world what you’re made of! You should find that nothing beats your self-confidence now.

Crazy things? So Sir Alex will continue to start the sorely out of form Michael Carrick. And he did just give a contract extension to the legless redheaded wonder (aka Paul Scholes). But his self-confidence at home means United should win, even if Nani and Berbatov conspire to waste chance after chance.

The next match pits Arsenal against Sunderland at the Stadium of Light. The Gunners have had a fine run of form recently, but recently misfortune struck this international break when Robin Van Persie suffered a freak injury. Still, Walter preferred to focus on the positives. He noted that Arsene Wenger was born October 22, making him a detail oriented Libra.

Accordingly, Walter notes that…

You should discover that your friends and coworkers are taking you more seriously than you would ever have dreamed possible! It’s a great day for making big requests and seeing what comes of them.

Thus, Arsene will ask a lot out of Nicolas Bendtner, Eduardo, and Carlos Vela. Still, with the development of Alex Song and the impressive Fabregas and Arshavin in midfield, the Gunners should earn a hard fought victory.

Lastly, we look at the Wolverhampton vs. Chelsea fixture. The Blues are playing in the comforts of Stamford Bridge, but will be missing Frank Lampard due to a training injury while with England. Carlos Ancellotti was born June 10th, and Walter squares places the responsibility on the Italian’s broad Gemini shoulders.

Take a deep breath and remember that it all comes down to you today — so you need to get things right! The good news is that your energy is perfect for the active pursuit of your goals.

Ancellotti holds the key to a Blues victory, not a single player such as Lampard. Walter insinuates that the master motivator will have his players charged and ready for a comfortable victory.

We would like to sincerely thank Walter for his insight, not scaring too many children, and keeping his ring-laden paws of our precious bags of holiday treats.

Please do not bet based on these assessments and enjoy the weekend’s action con mucho amorrrrrrrrrrrrr…