But enough of that, onto links and classic videos from South Africa 2010.

The final was not particularly memorable but for the dirty Dutch and Iniesta’s wonderful strike in injury time. Here is that strike again…

The only thing sharper and more brilliant than that sweeping Spanish attack was Nick Dunmore’s satire of the latest incarnation of Dutch Football, known simple as “Total Bastard Football.” You must read it. Here.

Brook at DirtyTackle has done an admirable job of aggregating every single amusing celebration-video-gone awry. The first is what happens when you combine Germans’ two loves: fast cars and celebrating their national team’s success on the international stage.

I assure you no Kraftwerks were injured in the filming of that video. Conversely, Spain celebrated their first title in style, with Pepe “Reigning King of Mirth” Reina a bit tipsy on the team’s bus after too much sangria.

Pepe Reina’s antics began several hours earlier, though, where he led a drunken conga line in the airplane that carried the Spaniards home.

Does anybody else find it odd that he is so excited to have won a title? After all, Liverpool finished a respectable semi-finalist in the Europa league and have a new manager. I hope he does not expend all this “title celebratory energy” too early on and not have enough gas in the tank come next May.

The Tournament’s Best Player, Diego Forlan, showed a samuraiesque mastery of the jabulani. While others complained about the shape, size, and flight of the new ball, Forlan spun miracles with his right foot. His first goal of the tournament, against South Africa, defied gravity, aerodynamics, and your lowly expectations of Uruguay.

Forlan was not done there – in the quarterfinals against Ghana, his spinless free kick fooled the keeper, finding the far corner and even fooling one of the cameramen. (Please ignore the commentator)

But, ahem, he similarly was not done. With his charrua compatriots overmatched by the mighty Dutch, Forlan’s fearsome left foot let go from distance, again fooling the keeper and keeping the match close.

I know what you’re thinking – yeah, this guy has a cannon of a shot, but where’s the touch, the timing, the grace, the balance? Is he just lugging a rocket launcher around the field? Nein. Just ask the Germans…

Wow. Shades of Zizou? Yes. Granted, the third place game is not as grand a stage as the Champions League final, and it was on Forlan’s favored right foot, but the bouncing was beyond fantastic. For you Spanglish speakers, the proper term would be “picadita.”

So there you have it – drunken Spaniards and dancing Uruguayans, the World Cup summed up in a handful of Youtube videos as you get ready for the European transfer rumor mill and a boring August. Hasta luego…

The US mounted a stirring comeback against Slovenia, yet a third goal by the Yanks was incorrectly(?) called back. Alan Jacobs at Run of Play argues that referees are weak – they prefer to rule out goals in close calls rather than vice versa. Why this presumption? Well, an allowed goal leads to cries of bias, while an incorrect call leads to shouts of incompetence. Presumably, they prefer to be incompetent than biased. T, meanwhile, makes the case for instant replay. However, given the clusterf@ck environment of setpieces, I think this would give ref’s too much cherry-picking discretion and/or take way too long. Just long enough for a Bud light lime commercial. And a Ford Focus commercial.

Brian, Santi, and I all respectfully disagree.

Geoff Shandler at the New Republic has insightfully articulated exactly why both Alexi Lalas and John Harkes fail at match commentary. Rather than allow their comments to ebb and flow with a game’s natural rhythm, they fill natural pauses with inane chit-chat. And the chit-chat states the obvious.

Zonal Marking explains just exactly why France lost the tactical battle to Mexico. Then, Unprofessional Foul carefully details all of the troubles off the pitch for Les Bleus. The rap sheet is a mile long and makes the parents of Jon Benet Ramsey look innocent. Brooks of Tackle Sucio fame has tracked down amusing videos of the Patrice Evra-trainer spat and the “no training protest.”

Finally, while Brian celebrated the Switzerland defeat of Spain, Santapelota has an excellent take on the changes in store for the Furia Roja. Basically, the two holding midfielders will be reduced to one, with Xabi Alonso shielding the back line and Cesc and Xavi with license to roam. Oh, goody.

Meanwhile, with Nicolas Anelka sent home and John Terry inciting a Capello mutiny (which was quashed), the Chelsea squad continues to make headlines for all the wrong reasons. Also, the NYTimes has identified another possible factor in underachieving European sides – the “Nike commercial” curse. What’s the rub? Not one of the players has performed well in the slightest.

First, Tahir Duckett, a close friend, will be traveling to South Africa to give you the scoop on the US national team and his travails abroad. T, referred to in some corners as “Iced T”, should offer a balanced (read: actually journalistic) counterweight to what I have in store. Bwa. Ha. Ha. (Hint)

Second, I am covering the Ivory Coast shannanigans at the delightful WorldCupBlog. I did a couple amusing liveblogs for games, well “dead-live-blogs” to be exact, but a good time as had by all. Even that Algerian guy who just kinda yelled stuff in all caps and got really excited. But Drogba and Eboue haters be warned – offensive and derogatory comments will be moderated. End of story. If you can’t enjoy soccer in a positive and light hearted fashion, find some troll-forum on which to troll.

Third, Brooks at DirtyTackle has assembled an all star cast for the World Cup. Richard of AMSL and Brian of RoP are on board, which makes it all the clearer a case for my initial FTC complaint about this powerful racket. I can only speculate as to the delightful continental buffet Brooks has promised those fine gentlemen. Oh, and Daryl of The Offside is in on the party.

Ahem, the New Republic’s soccer coverage is back with a vengeance. Normally I am loathe when big media jumps on the soccer blogging bandwagon just in time for the World Cup and ends in August, but TNR’s coverage was more dormant than lifeless. Also, the quality of the writing speaks for itself. Enjoy this piece on the terror of an English expat, feeling American, and dreading this Saturday.

Also, for some satirical looks at the beautiful game, be sure to check out FistedAway and Crabfootball. For obscure references to 1970’s era BBC situational comedies that are only tangentially related to football, check out Sport is a TV Show.

For a more serious but thorough and intellectually engaging analysis, Zonal Marking and Pitch Invasion can’t be beat.

Do you like music and soccer? No fucking way. Both? Really? Get your fix at Football & Music.

Zonal Marking is, well, about more than just zonal marking. The diagrams are wicked cool, and the analysis of Mexico’s fluid, three pronged attack is spot on. And a pleasure to read.

Brian at Run of Play bridges the gaps between nerd, cover art novelist nerd, and soccer nerd. Welcome to his world of fantasy football, where dungeons meet dragons and defensive midfielders. A must read.

Despite the real Mourinho’s remarks that he believes the Champions League is bigger than the World Cup (ha..ha..ha), Special 1 TV has an amusing world cup promo. (via Unprofessional Foul). The spot is too brief, but leaves the mouth watering….

For a well balanced look at the aging England squad, which goes beyond big media sweeping gestures and knee jerk blogger overreactions, have a read at More Than Mind Games. Editor’s note: I am a Yank, our team’s primary weapon is speed, and Ledley King’s knees give me a 1% sliver of hope.

Two Hundred Percent asks the question – did tightfisted American owners cost Rafa Benitez his job? Still, this analysis goes beyond the general lament against leveraged buy-outs and reflects upon the youth system’s deterioration. Basically, the free spending sugar mama and the credit card wielding sugary daddy both played a part. MyAnfield is back (yeah!) and places a bit more of the blame on the US owners.

A lot of US fans, still learning about the game, don’t quite understand the full importance of the shirt number. For example, the battle for the 10 playmaker and 9 forward is usually fierce. To don these numbers is an honor, like a burger king cardboard crown on your birthday, but nicer fabric. Thus, Argentina is an anomaly. Hasta El Gol Siempre looks at the quirky shirt assignments.

We beging with More Than Mind Games, where James has found some incredibly cool clips of the first experimental films with sound. The only lament – why didn’t the innovators in film immediately rush to record a Merseyside derby? History is the ultimate loser.

FakeSigi has an existential dilemma: should he allow or disallow comments on his site? As he climbs the Search Engine ladder, the risk of new trolls grows exponentially. And the prospect of moderation or using Disqus is too weighty a price to pay. Please, go comment on his site.

Brian Phillps reflects on why Chelsea is no longer Chelsea. Rather, they are just another big club at whom we shrug our shoulders. Why? Avram Grant. That’s why.

For those of you who are suffering from a strong case of World Cup fever, hum up your Google Translator and head over to Uno o Dos Toques for a colorful look at Mexico 86.  Even if you don’t speak Spanish, the video at the end is fantastic.

The Pique-Ibra embrace photo circulated the internet, and, to be honest, the possibility of an LGBT player in La Liga does not really bother the editorial board here at FF. However, Ibra’s chauvinistic remark to a reporter certainly puzzled us. More importantly, Crab Football engaged in an Onion-esque article with quotes from people on the street. To hysterical effect.

Finally, SantaPelota returns in full force with a glorious examination of Dunga’s selections for the selecao. This is required reading.

The always amazing Studs Up has the perfect solution to the John Terry scandal. And the inspiration comes from Eddie Murphy’s own late night sojourns in Southern California. (Studs Up)

Somehow Portsmouth has managed to hire an Israeli attorney that has had his license suspended for corruption, done time on corruption charges, and used fraudulent documents in hearings. Fit? Proper? None of the above. (Guardian)

“The Continental” returned to the Award winning Dirty Tackle. This time, Berbatov seduces you with talk of mayonnaise on your toes while spilling gasoline over his designer pants. Terrified? Aroused? All of the above? (Dirty Tackle)

When Saturday Comes rightly asks: is the ever so popular “verbal orange card” a means to facilitate player-referee understanding, or just impotence on the part of the man with the whistle? (WSC)

At FistedAway, recent reports out of Italy indicate that, sadly, drugs have tested positive for Adrian Mutu. And it’s not the first time (Fisted Away).

CrabFootball asserts that the Terry saga is just starting to unfold, citing erroneous sources that JT imposed medieval law upon his squires, err, teammates, and took leave of their wenches, err, wags. (CrabFootball)

A new soccer film is coming out and I actually don’t want to vomit. The Zidane movie follows the Frenchman’s every move for 90 minutes in a game against Villareal. From the previews, it looks awesome (Youtube) via (Offside)

Crackovia, a Catalan TV show, has a delightful Spanish language spoof of Real Madrid. In particular, the Cristiano Ronaldo (Or is it Sergio Ramos?)-mirror-sessions are delightful (Youtube) via (Futbolita)

While Luis Fabiano scored a well-placed header, the culmination of a brilliantly timed run and anticipation, we focus on his head afterward. Why? Because Fabiano ignited rumors of a move to Man-Hat-tan by donning a delightful fedora (Youtube) via (Dirty Tackle)

But the other day, while laughing at this poor man in a dumpster, I thought to myself – wow, it has been awhile since I wrote something about the pibe of pibes. I also have not stolen content for over a week, an eternity for me. So here it comes, my adoring public…

Jose Mujica, the recent president-elect of Uruguay, wants Diego Maradona to work on a new anti-drug campaign. (LA Times). Apparently, Robert Downing Jr. and River Phoenix were unavailable. (Tonight Show with Conan…err Jay Leno)

Dieguito recently traveled to South Africa and said he was very impressed by the hosts’ preparations. Diego concluded his trip at Soccer City, where he showed off some mad foot skills with the new jabulani ball. He was rumored to have kicked a soccer ball several times. (Canadian Press). Oh, delight. (Elliott Exclusive)

Diego’s earrings, which were confiscated by the tax man in Italy, were auctioned for over $36,000. (Reuters) His fake penis, though, remains at large and is rumored to be valued at over ten times that amount. (Elliott Exclusive)

Diego’s “promoters” have launched a new cable and internet channel dedicated to, you guessed it, Diego Maradona. (Canadian Press). This channel, though, will go beyond mere video replays of Diego’s goals. Allegedly, ballistics experts will prove that it was physically impossible for Diego to have scored the hand of God goal from the 11th story of the book depository in Dallas – no, it had to have been two individuals working in close coordination from a grassy nole. (Oliver Stone Project)

Diego barely had a year to chastise his daughter for having a child with that Keun punk before, you guessed it, he impregnated his 20 something girlfriend. (Entertainment & Showbiz). Of course, this means his lovechild will be both a bastard and an uncle one year younger than his nephew.(Family Planning Consortium)

Speaking of which, Diego has said that Argentina still has spots up for grabs (Goal). Yet he curiously has not called up Atletico sensation Kun Aguero. Could it be…could it be….the impregnation of his daughter, affair, and nasty split? (Kickette). Maybe.

Yet I find it very disturbing that while Messi mimics Diego’s greatness on the field, Kun mirrors Diego’s antics off it. I may write an angry letter to the Dolly-the-sheep scientists and ask the obvious question: why can’t we genetically combine these two players for the sake of concision? I’m not one to just write an angry letter, no sir, nor am I going to tip off any…..

First off, Studs-up offers an exclusive interview between the Irish Federation and Sepp Blatter. As expected, it quickly spiraled into a dirty affair.

At Fisted-Away, Mr. Dunmore exhibits Roy Keane’s insight into a few key transfer moves and one young child’s blood lust for revenge.

At Dirty Tackle, Vagner-Love’s recent squabbles with angry fans and porn stars will amuse young and old alike.

The DA also charts out England’s path to World Cup glory.

Brian Phillips at RunofPlay reflects on some transfer rumors.

Lastly, on a serious note, Rob, at Left Back in the Changing Room, addresses the thorny issue of homophobia in soccer. The relevant question: how would society react if Tiger Woods had had an affair…with a man? And why?

It’s been awhile since our last link round-up, errr, hold-up.  Don’t worry, though. This fresh batch of delicious morsels will make you tap your toes and click your mouse. The theme is football as interpreted by melodious instruments. And…the inevitable implosion of the universe.

The first link is football, but American football. The tackling, the helmets, the complex rules, the field goal, you appreciate it, even if you don’t understand it. Well, Adrian Russell unearthed a gem of a video – the Glasgow Diamond’s 1980s era propaganda music video. What if you woke up in the Twilight Zone and Flight of the Conchords was no longer ironic, but remained exactly the same? That is what happens. I know, the world is a scary place.

Raul continues to divide waters at Madrid, and not in the positive-Moses-escape-biblical sense, but rather in the poor Spanish translation “this-guy-pisses-you-off” sense. I refuse to pick a camp, but am amused by both. Nozomi at the anti-Raul Blog del Real Madrid has posted a funny video of Raul’s ineptitude vs. Getafe. Warning: the chicken dance may be stuck in your head for days.

Did you hear the news? Newcastle fans absolutely adore Mike Ashley and have even created a handful of delightful songs for him. I like to imagine the lyrics sung by Sonny & Cher, just because…well. You can see for yourself.

For your amusement, the Zygo report has found this disturbing footage of Carlos Tevez dancing. An Argentine showing Brazilians how to dance – perhaps not the most efficient or effective allocation of resources in the universe.

And lastly, is the universe a better place? The New Mexico Leeds United foul indicates that problems remain on-the-field. Some have tried to defend Ms. Lambert by saying the ref let things get out of hand. I’m not buying it. Let’s take a scenario from the real world. A civilian man shoots another. Do the police stand trial? However, some good does exist in the universe. Off the field, oral hygiene care has never been better.

Have a lovely weekend.

The ugly spector of doping reared its ugly head yet again. Off the post has a list of the most amusing excuses for drug-use. We must clear Cannvaro´s name, though, even if not the sharpest tool in the shed. In 1999, the drug he injected for our viewing pleasure was 100% legal. And he was recently cleared in the bee-sting dispute.

This is American Soccer needs to be updated more often. Do it. Now. But in the meantime, enjoy this latest “diary project entry” about a young Hispanic artist growing up with futbol in LA.

Soccersource has been globetrotting and brings you the loveliest pictures and historical anecdotes surrounding the cathedrals of the sport. Even if you disagree with the rankings, you will enjoy these pieces.

Last week, Richard Whittal of amoresplendedlife asked the question “What is MLS” and published a series of intersting posts by various authors. I won´t ruin the surprise, but the correct answer is not “a professional soccer league based in the United States and Canada.” Not entirely.