Frank Lampard: the Diary of an Old Midfielder

The Frank Lampard Appreciation Society proudly presents yet another chapter in the unedited, uncut version a of Frank Lampard’s diary from this season. Read at your own risk. Warning – this content may not be suitable for mature adults. Continue reading “Frank Lampard: the Diary of an Old Midfielder” »

Posted in Champions League, EPL | Tagged , | 1 Comment

OWN GOALS – the accursed, huggable, imperalist Americans

Don’t you just hate those arrogant, talented, supremely handsome Americans? Me too. Well, this American had the pleasure of writing for and speaking with some friends from across the Atlantic, and the results were marvelous. At least in my humble imperialist American opinion. Continue reading “OWN GOALS – the accursed, huggable, imperalist Americans” »

Posted in EPL, Real Madrid, What? | Tagged | Leave a comment

Horrific Tragedy Bootstrapped to Champions League Recap

This past weekend, a German referee attempted to commit suicide. CNN reported on this tragedy, and also managed to sneak in the same article some game recaps. Tactful! The Guardian did one better, reporting racism charges against Luis Suarez while also letting us know that the alleged racist did not play in an international friendly due to injury. Useful! I will now do them both one up by reporting on this week’s Champions League fixtures…..and the gruesome puppy death(s).

(Associated & Fabricated Press) – Today, we regret to report the death of over 200 adorable puppies. And a less than adorable nun and bus driver. At eight o’clock at night, the Save-a-Pup bus, full of 200 recently rescued puppies, rambled down the road on its way to a warm & welcoming puppy shelter. Little did the driver realize that rather than heading towards Brownsville, Texas, he and the puppies were on track for their own grisly deaths. Continue reading “Horrific Tragedy Bootstrapped to Champions League Recap” »

Posted in Arsenal, Barcelona, Champions League, Manchester United, Real Madrid | Tagged , , | Leave a comment

Ayn Rand Reflects upon the MLS Cup, Beckham, Objectivism

Noted American philosopher and novelist Ayn Rand has graciously cleared her hectic social schedule to answer a few questions about the MLS cup, David Beckham, and also her philosophy of “objectivism.” Please note that while I am a fan of MLS and respect Mr. Beckham’s sporting endeavors, I do not intend for this post to serve as an implicit or explicit endorsement of Ayn Rand’s philosophy. Or their implications for MLS. Nevertheless, as an intellectual celebrity, we were delighted to get a few words in with her.

Even if they don’t really clarify much of anything. Continue reading “Ayn Rand Reflects upon the MLS Cup, Beckham, Objectivism” »

Posted in MLS | Tagged , , | 1 Comment

The Joey Lawrence Appreciation Society Proudly Remembers Player Y

Nothing breaks the heart like a candle whose flame is blown out by the wind. Noted actor Joey Lawrence’s career burned with promise and brimmed with energy. From the very first episode of the late 90′s TV show Blossom, audiences fell in love his “whoa” and looked forward to decades of avant grade artistry. Sadly, his pioneering role on network television never provided a springboard to success or serious scripts worthy of his talent. His career stalled due to mysterious factors. We look back at his promise and shed a tear. In the darkest realms of the soul, his “whoa” echoes within each and every one of us.

Just like in the case of Player Y. Continue reading “The Joey Lawrence Appreciation Society Proudly Remembers Player Y” »

Posted in What? | Tagged | 2 Comments

Congratulations to Ireland & their Dancing Keane for Qualifying!

 

Video credit: “Dancing Queen” by Abba

Posted in What? | Tagged | Leave a comment

US vs. France – Indisputably Objective Player Ratings Ratings

Grades. Is there anything more cruel? An entire semester of work, and a little symbol reflects your homework, your exams, your term papers, and maybe your participation. Naturally, I can understand why some people in the soccersphere have objected to the application of “grades” to soccer player performances. For example, Slate poked fun at how widely two different writers could rate the same player for the same game. Richard Whittall went one step further and questioned the philosophical underpinnings of the entire enterprise.

I myself have poked fun at player ratings and power rankings, but see them as useful tidbits for folks that haven’t followed a league too closely or who missed a game but want more than a recap. Yet I also think that Slate & Richard have a deeper problem with grades – the lack of accountability for the graders themselves. After all, even in universities, students get to fill out a professor evaluation form at the end of the semester. Thus, for the US-France game last Friday, I present grades for players’ grades. Enjoy. Continue reading “US vs. France – Indisputably Objective Player Ratings Ratings” »

Posted in USMNT | Tagged | Leave a comment

READY YOUR CHIPS – Classical is Quickly Approaching Launch

Remember a few months ago when you donated $10 to a nascent sports website? Remember the glorious promises of chip-clips that would forever change your life and add up to 1.73 days of longevity to the standard lifespan of a conventionally sized (not super large) bag of Frito Lays? Me too. Lift your head and glance into the sky – the day is soon at hand. Continue reading “READY YOUR CHIPS – Classical is Quickly Approaching Launch” »

Posted in What? | Tagged | 4 Comments

Emotions at the Long Awaited Return to See Sporting KC…


“Alison” by Elvis Costello & the Attractions

Posted in MLS | Tagged , | Leave a comment

OWN GOALS – some fantastic links from the footysphere

Remember that time I wrote that post which was neither funny nor insightful and wasted your time? Well, I’ve found an easy solution for both you, the reader, and me, the writer. Links! Continue reading “OWN GOALS – some fantastic links from the footysphere” »

Posted in Arsenal, EPL | Tagged | Leave a comment
>