I, however, prefer to be a bit more general my blame, so that those accused cannot defend themselves. And the largest group of individuals with the least opportunity to defend themselves is children.

So, yes, I know your immediate reaction. It was mine as well. When Matthew Upson failed to head away a simple long ball, when Jay DeMerit misread a hoofed Hail Mary, before the ball had rippled the back of the net, my mind buzzed…

One simple fact dawned on me – are the English and Americans not doing enough to expose their soccer playing youth to the aerial game? There’s this perpetual myth that our kids don’t play the “continental” way, that if we dress up our six year old boys in leotards and ballet slippers then in ten years time we will dominate the World Cup, crushing the Germans and Brazilians beneath our heels.

First, let’s look at the German’s opening goal – a moment of intricate build-up play and brilliance.

Now, let’s take a brief look at the game winning goal from Ghana.

The delicately weighted passes, the subtle pivots, the heel flicks, is there anything more beautiful and easy on the eye? I thus conclude that there is only one way for England to regain prominent and the US to rise even higher – we must teach our children to hoof the ball 60 yards by instinct, bypass midfield play, and outrun and outmuscle centerbacks.

Because we are not already doing that. And it’s the only explanation, aside from the prospect that the US never had the horses and England’s horses were too old.

Still, despite the unprecedented attention to the World Cup in the US, unfortunately big media continues to churn out amusing errors by the boatloads. You may recall the NYTime’s error about Zizou playing for Italy. Well, ESPN did them one better. Check out this screenshot…

Did you catch the glaring error in the match grades? A hint – think “copy & paste.” Okay, here it is in case you missed it…

So Landon Donovan slotted home the game winner?

Game winner? Win? Wait, stop the presses – the US won the game? Cool! My TV said 2-1, but it was a pirated stream so it may have gotten hacked by evil big wig media types that want to control both the message and the messenger. Also, it’s pretty tough to not be in the right place at the right time to score from a penalty kick. If Donovan had abruptly decided to retire from soccer after the referee blew his whistle, then yes, that would be the wrong place and/or the wrong time, but that was never in the cards. Was it? Was it?

So, the US lost, but we can all enjoy the wild ride and, more importantly, the fact checking errors at a multi-million dollar business that is allegedly based on accurate sports reporting.
An Important Update that Is Equally Hysterical

Okay, so this is much, much better. I believe that these corrections mirror the US bipolar performances in the tournament – haphazard and rushed in the early stages, but much improved with a dose of composure.

Uruguay vs. South Korea

I’ve underestimated Uruguay throughout this tournament, and I see no reason to stop now.  South Korea squeaks by in PKs.

USA vs. Ghana

Is it too early to call USA the Cinderella story of the tournament?  Two big crunch-time wins have given them at least even odds to make the Semifinals.  Jozy gets on the scoreboard today, and the USA sends the last African team packing.

Germany vs. England

It’s good for the US to be on the other side of this bracket.  Germany hasn’t been great at this World Cup, but England has been worse.  Germany in PKs.

Argentina vs. Mexico

El Tri will give the Argentinians a bit more than they expect–remember, Argentina hasn’t exactly had a top-flight opponent yet.  But the Argentinians have figured out how to score in a World Cup that has been lacking goals.  Argentina get a scare, but scrape this one out.

Netherlands vs. Slovakia

Yet another top flight team that hasn’t yet gotten a major challenge.  I’m pause to jump on the “Netherlands will finally win” bandwagon until I see them against a top 10 team.  Slovakia isn’t that team, but look at who’s up next after the Netherlands get through in a close match.

Brazil vs. Chile

It’s become pretty clear that Chile isn’t used to playing on a stage this big.  They controlled the game early vs. Spain but after conceding a goal deciding stabbing at the legs of opposing players would be enough victory for them.  Chile has racked up, by my rough count, 211 yellow cards and will be missing all 11 starters and 3 subs.  Brazil moves on, despite another threatening first 15 minutes by Chile.

Paraguay vs. Japan

Borrrring.  Paraguay tied an awful Italian team, beat Slovakia, and held onto a draw with the New Zealand All Blacks…or is it All Whites today?  I don’t know.  This somehow got them into the Round of 16.  Japan’s quickness eats them up.

Spain vs. Portugal

Spain get the matchup they want.  Right?  Maybe?  Aside from their 7 goal explosion against North Korea, Portugal have not looked exceptional this tournament.  Spain seem to have regained their footing, even if Torres is doing his best Emile Heskey impersonation.  But Spain have regained their footing against moderate opposition, and still only managed two goals against 10-man Chile last night.  This one goes to PKs.  Spain moves on.

Here’s a brief glimpse into the multi-million dollar Futfanatico super secret traffic stats from yesterday.

As you can clearly see from these stats, and stats are always right, Americans hate Landon Donovan. They detest him. Why? Well, in case you missed it, immediately after scoring the game winning goal he dove like an Italian. Americans absolutely detest diving. Granted, no penalty kick was awarded and it was celebratory, but still, Americans disdain such theatrics.

Watch it here for good measure.

Which brings me to another point – Americans hate sports confusion. We don’t like to mix and mash our sports. Hence, most major professional sports leagues run in different seasons: American football for fall, baseball for summer, and basketball for spring. Donovan’s dive resembled a “slide into home plate”, a common play in baseball. We hate this.

Thus, Americans hate Donovan. But they are conscientious of him, just as NBA fans all hated Dennis Rodman and 90% of America hates the New York Yankees. This is a major step forward. We can only hope they hate him even more after this Saturday….

The US world cup hopes were minutes from extinction, just as the development of mammal life faced similar challenges in the late Cretaceous period. Still, the nimble, live-birth life forms eventually grew up to run the show, surpassing the aging and decaying Dinosaur species.

And now, now that my heart has partially re-entered the chest cavity, I give you your player grades.

The Massive Maotherium – Landon Donovan

Maotherium means “Mao’s beast,” and a beast it was. Granted, the maotherium was no wooly mammoth, but still, its tall and sharp molars made for easy eating. And their intricate ear structure allowed for extra sensitive hearing.

Landon Donovan heard the cries of despair, the seconds ticking off the clock, the window of opportunity slowly closing on the US’s World Cup dream. And, just like a late Cretaceous mammal with extra sensitive hearing, he scored a brilliant goal off a rebound. He was, simply a beast.

The Notorious Purgatorius – Jonathan Bornstein

Please resist the urge to think “Pur, Pur Pur – ga – tooooor- ius.” The Purgatorius was a small rodent-esque creature that weighed a few ounces and was a few inches tall. Despite this small stature, the Purgatorius had a special survival trick: burying shallow holes into the ground, presumably to avoid predators.

Jonathan Bornstein dug himself into a hole on the US depth chart, turning in indifferent performances and forcing Bradley to shift Carlos Bocanegra around. However, Bornstein burrowed out of his playing time purgatory and put in a solid defensive effort to silence his critics. While his distribution may be lacking at this level, on the other side of the ball he never got buried by an opposing winger.

The Combative Catopsalis – Clint Dempsey

The catopsalis was actually pretty big, by multituberculates standards. Granted, that’s a pretty low baseline. Still, for a multituberculates, the catopsalis definitely punched above its weight

Clint Dempsey is a similar rarity among US players – a success in Europe who has consistently excelled season after season. Still, for all his sparkling praise at Fulham, he has brought a similar combative attitude to the US national side. In this game, Deuce took on defenders with flair and panache. Only an errant offsides flag denied him a goal in the first half, and his late run & collision opened the door for Donovan’s rebound goal.

The Alpha Alphadon – Jozy Altidore

The Alphadon was gi-normous by Cretaceous mammal standards, growing up to 12 inches. The Alphadon, not afraid to throw around its weight in setpieces, was an omnivore that feasted on nuts, berries, and smaller vertebrae.

Jozy Altidore also enjoys a size advantage versus any human being not nicknamed “Shaq.” He also feasted on smaller defenders this game, earning free kick after free kick after free kick. While he did miss a glorious chance in front of the net, his work rate and willingness to dribble at defenders means I give him a high “marsupial comparison” grade. (The equivalent of a B plus for those of you keeping track).

The Vital Vincelestes – Tim Howard

The vinceleste was a very active and mobile therapsida in its heyday, roaming about South America without a care in the world. The key to such mobility was not so much strength of legs, but rather the shape of its teeth. The vinceleste had wicked cool back teeth, allowing it to both grind and cut food, an innovation at the time sortof like the Ipod but sans the annoying silhouette commercials.

Tim Howard has similarly enjoyed a globetrotting existence, playing for clubs in New York, Manchester, and recently Liverpool. However, the key to his success has been steady anticipation, not some “neat tooth” innovation. Tim was again a rock for the US team, keeping a clean sheet for the first time and also starting the play leading to Donovan’s goal with neat distribution.

Group A: Don’t let Uruguay’s strong showing against weak French and South African teams fool you.  Mexico should deal with them quite nicely, but not nicely enough to get France into the second round.  1st seed: Mexico, 2nd seed: Uruguay.

Group B: Argentina’s obviously walking away with the one seed at this point.  I’m tempted to pick Nigeria as a shock pick to win big against Korea and take advantage of Argentina running over a weak Greece team.  In fact, yes I’ll do that and pretend I didn’t watch their poor showing against Greece.  1st seed: Argentina, 2nd seed: Nigeria.

Group C:  <redacted> (I refuse to write what I believe, because I’ll never forgive myself for jinxing it if it doesn’t happen.)

Group D: (just realized this is going to be harder than I thought).  Do you take a German team that was underwhelming against Serbia?  Do you take a Serbian side that was underwhelming against Ghana?  Or do you take a Ghanian team that was underwhelming against Australia?  Coin flip–I don’t think any of these teams are actually particularly good.  Serbia should pick up a win against a Socceroo defense that’s leakier than the Hillary Clinton campaign. Ghana and Germany draw. 1st seed: Serbia, 2nd seed: Ghana

Group E: Nederland is a lock for the top seed here, but it gets a bit more complicated after that, as both Japan and the Danes had decent showings against the Dutch.   Denmark needs to play to win, as they lose the goal differential battle with Japan.  And play to win they will.  1st seed: Netherlands, 2nd seed: Denmark

Group F: Does anyone really care?  The weakest group of this year’s cup will unceremoniously advance Paraguay and Italy, but only because Italy didn’t have to play the varsity team. 1st seed: Paraguay, 2nd seed: Italy if you can even really call them “seeds.”

Group G: No analysis needed–this one was basically decided by the routs of the last 72 hours. 1st seed: Brazil, 2nd seed: Portugal

Group H: Chile will try to join the Netherlands, Brazil, and Argentina as the only teams to pick up all 9 points in the group stages as they face Spain, having regained their form against the Hondurans.  The winner of that match is the likely top seed.  The loser will probably go home, as the Swiss will likely pick up 3 points against an out-of-their-league and shellshocked-and-showing-it Honduras.  The soccer gods smile on the earthquake-ravaged Chileans and they become a feel-good made-for-TV story as they tie the Spanish and move on.  Oh wait, life doesn’t work like that?  Sucks.  Spain win, Swiss win, Chile go home.  1st seed: Spain, 2nd seed: Switzerland.

I feel a lot less confident about that than I did before I started thinking about it.  But don’t let that stop you from treating it as absolute gospel.

The US mounted a stirring comeback against Slovenia, yet a third goal by the Yanks was incorrectly(?) called back. Alan Jacobs at Run of Play argues that referees are weak – they prefer to rule out goals in close calls rather than vice versa. Why this presumption? Well, an allowed goal leads to cries of bias, while an incorrect call leads to shouts of incompetence. Presumably, they prefer to be incompetent than biased. T, meanwhile, makes the case for instant replay. However, given the clusterf@ck environment of setpieces, I think this would give ref’s too much cherry-picking discretion and/or take way too long. Just long enough for a Bud light lime commercial. And a Ford Focus commercial.

Brian, Santi, and I all respectfully disagree.

Geoff Shandler at the New Republic has insightfully articulated exactly why both Alexi Lalas and John Harkes fail at match commentary. Rather than allow their comments to ebb and flow with a game’s natural rhythm, they fill natural pauses with inane chit-chat. And the chit-chat states the obvious.

Zonal Marking explains just exactly why France lost the tactical battle to Mexico. Then, Unprofessional Foul carefully details all of the troubles off the pitch for Les Bleus. The rap sheet is a mile long and makes the parents of Jon Benet Ramsey look innocent. Brooks of Tackle Sucio fame has tracked down amusing videos of the Patrice Evra-trainer spat and the “no training protest.”

Finally, while Brian celebrated the Switzerland defeat of Spain, Santapelota has an excellent take on the changes in store for the Furia Roja. Basically, the two holding midfielders will be reduced to one, with Xabi Alonso shielding the back line and Cesc and Xavi with license to roam. Oh, goody.

Meanwhile, with Nicolas Anelka sent home and John Terry inciting a Capello mutiny (which was quashed), the Chelsea squad continues to make headlines for all the wrong reasons. Also, the NYTimes has identified another possible factor in underachieving European sides – the “Nike commercial” curse. What’s the rub? Not one of the players has performed well in the slightest.

First, many apologies to my 2 loyal readers (Hi mom!) for the lack of posts.  A trip to Cape Town where I had no internet access except for the blackberry restricted my ability to post.   Is it too late to rewind back and give analysis of the US/England match?

• Of course it’s not.  I actually only want to talk about one bit of the Cup that hasn’t gotten too much attention: logistics.  FIFA has GOT to figure this out.  Go on FIFA’s website and try to find recommendations for how to get to each stadium.  Look for information on public transport: rail, buses, shuttles, anything.  And try to find the location of the park-and-ride facilities.  Good luck!

At some point we figured out how to get there, but upon arrival we realized FIFA and South Africa had decided it was a good idea to play World Cup matches in a 40,000-seat stadium with one 2-lane road as the single exit.  The scene outside the stadium, even after 30 minutes inside after the match celebrating, was a trainsmash (RSA lingo!) of epic proportions.  Just an enormous mass of people, and none of them knew where to go or how to get back to their cars. (Did I mention no parking lot?  Sorry! Park 6 miles away and take a 10-seat shuttle to the stadium.)As you might have guessed, it took us an hour just to get to our car and then another 3.5 hours to drive the 80 miles back to Pretoria.  FIFA–take care of this.

• Speaking of things FIFA needs to take care of, the botched call to disallow Maurice Edu’s go-ahead goal in the US/Slovenia game yesterday will and should reopen the debate on instant replay.  Elliott has covered the subject before here.  FIFA’s rambling, incoherent opinions on the subject are here.  Elliott’s makes a bit more sense, but everyone acts as though other sports have unrestrained use of instant replay which halts games nonstop, which is basically never true.  In the NBA, the refs can opt to use instant replay if they’re personally not sure of the correct call.  In MLB, only a very few types of plays get reviewed.  In the NFL, a coach gets two challenges/game.

Really the question shouldn’t be whether or not we use instant replay.  Poor officiating cost Ireland a trip to the World Cup.  That’s something many of those Irish players will never get another chance to do.  (And it’s punished us by making us watch a dreadful French side.)  Poor officiating may just cost the US a trip to the Round of 16.  All the slippery slope arguments are proven wrong by the amazingly successful use of instant replay in other sports.  When’s the last time a crucial NFL match turned on an UNDOUBTEDLY incorrect call?  Instant replay doesn’t exist to remove all doubt from all situations, but to right CLEARLY incorrect calls.  Really the question should be how we set up instant replay to least interfere with the flow of the game.  Games actually already involve quite a bit of stop and go–I can’t find official numbers, but estimates seem to range from 25-35 fouls occur/game, and this number doesn’t include goal kick/corner kick/throw-in restarts.  Adopt NFL style rules, and you’re talking about a max of 4 more stops/game.  Not only do you get more accurate matches, but you reduce the incentive to dive.  I can’t think of a single way to make the game better.

• Finally, and this isn’t soccer related, but please go to Cape Town.  Do it.  Do it in January when it’s summer.  Do it for the wine.  Do it for the beaches or the penguins.  But mostly….

  …do it for views like these.

The England game is firmly behind us. A fluke goal could not overshadow a creditable fightback and a respectable draw. Next on the agenda, though, was a deceptively dangerous game of the Eastern European variety. Last World Cup, the Czech Republic put the US to the sword in a matter of minutes.

The US played a first half to forget – despite a wicked Torres free kick, the US fell two goals behind and struggled to create chances. At halftime, Bradley made a double substitution – replacing the patient Torres with the tackling Edu, and the speedster Findley with the slick passing Feilhaber. Neither scored, but an improved second half performance saw two goals breathe life into the US campaign.

Only one theme could capture this two-faced performance. The dinoflagellate. The dinoflagellate? Yes. The dinoflagellate. I only hope using them as an extended metaphor for soccer writing will not anger them. But enough science talk hoss, let’s get to the grades…

Zooxanthela – Suit – Riot: Michael Bradley

Don’t let the threatening name fool you, the zooxanthela is a benevolent flagella in terms  of marine biodiversity. The zooxanthela forms a symbiotic relationship with coral reefs – the coral gives the zooxanthela shelter and nutrients, notably carbon dioxide. In response, the zooxanthela, via photosynthesis, provides the coral with boundless energy.

Bradley scored the crucial game-tying goal with a well timed run off Jozy Altidore’s flick-on. However, it’s the little aspects of his game that make the US a better team. His consistent and clean passing often arm the US attack, and he diligently covers the center of the park when on defense. Minutes after his equalizer, little Bradley covered for the gassed Donovan on the right hand side and neutralized a promising Slovenia build-up with sheer will and determination. Just like a zooxanthela.

The Knock on Noctilucales – Gooch

So, yeah, Noctilucales. I try to stay positive with all players on the site, wanting to lift a human that is down rather than kick him or her. However, out of eleven men playing a game for 90 minutes, invariably one plays worse than the rest. And dinoflagellate are no different. Noctilucales seems pretty cool, but then upon closer inspection you realize a major problem – its nucleus shows absolutely no dinokaryotic organization. Zilch. Nada.

Gooch has struggled to find his fitness, but the US back line looked a mess in the opening half. He also was the culprit for the second, backbreaking Slovenia goal right before the half, failing to step forward with his teammates. While his athletic prowess shines brightly in aerial battles, his coordination of a coherent off sides trap has yet to click.

The Spreading Ceratium – Landon Donovan

Now, I know that when you see the word “ceratium,” you immediately think “triangle with arms.” Yes, the ceratium does have a distinct shape and characteristics. But for once in your life, will you go beyond such shallow, superficial judgments? The ceratium is capable of living in both salt and freshwater environments – in fact, you can find this little bugger in just about any ocean in the world.

Landon Donovan covered every inch of grass on the right hand side of the pitch. For a player criticized for fading in and out of games, one minute he would cut out a cross in his own half, and the next minute he would be running at a defender. Donovan’s workrate almost got him a goal in the first half but for a desperation tackle at the far post. In the second half, he pounced on a defensive miscue, scampered 30 yards, and then blasted his shot over the timid keeper’s head. In the dying embers of the match you could see him panting and dogging it, but he could hardly be blamed for the 90 minute shift he had just put in. And his widow peak looks like a ceratium, but ever so slightly more masculine.

The Alarming Alexandrium – Jozy Altidore

Of course, I wouldn’t want to deceive you about dinoflagellate. No, these tiny entities are not all fun & games, they do not always form mutually productive symbiotic relationships with their environment. Nope. Some of them like to live on the edge, some of them are dangerous. The alexandrium is definitely not a dinoflagellate to take home to meet mom – this touch as nails dinoflagellate is toxic to both humans and other mammals.

Despite not scoring a goal for himself, Jozy was a constant menace in the attacking half. He used his size and speed to torment the Slovenian backline, winning several free kicks and even getting a few glimpses at goal. He earned the free kick in the 34th minute that led to Torres’ chance, and also assisted Bradley’s game-tying goal with a powerful header. In sum, Jozy was toxic to the Slovenian defense.

Tough Going Gonyaulax – Jay DeMerit

The Gonyaulax, like Alexzandrium, also lives on the wrong side of the dinoflagellate town. The Gonya is largely responsible for red tide, an ocean phenomenon that can kill fish and other surrounding aquatic life. Symbiotic? Hardly? Parasitic. I wish. Deadly. Yes.

Jay DeMerit once again put in an edgy, battling, parasitic display. He fed off the physicality of the Slovenians, putting in tackle after tackle after tackle. One moment stood out above all others. In the 55th minute, an errant Donovan back pass caught Dolo flatfooted and left DeMerit on an island. However, rather than back off, he went in two feet first, snuffing out the danger to his teammates’ relief. Just like a Gonyaulax.

The Genius Gymnodinium – Tim Howard

For all the talk of toxins, of red tides, of symbiotic relationships, let’s not forget a simple truth – dinoflagellate contain the capacity for brilliance. Despite not having any armor, the gymno stands out from the dinoflagellate crowd. If you were ever at a dinoflagellate store with your significant other, you would stare in the display cases and immediately have your drawn to the gymno, insisting on its immediate purchase as a romantic souvenir or something.

Tim Howard is the gymnodinium of the US team. He could hardly be faulted for the two Slovenian goals, and soared above his teammates and opposition to punch away crosses and free kicks and headers. While the US backline did limit the Slovenian attack, Howard bossed his box with authority and control, exuding confidence and calm. Just like a gymnodinium.

But the 2-0 drubbing at Wembley a few years ago cast doubt on whether the US could compete. When an early goal struck a hole in their sails, uncertainty gripped the American fan. Would we capitulate again as against the Czechs? But a hard fought clawback ensued, with both sides eventually sharing the spoils in a reasonably close affair with scoring chances at a premium.

And who, you may ask, from the US stood out? Who shone brightly like millenia old dark matter? You know who.

The Fast Fading Nebula – Ricardo Clark

Don’t let the wicked cool clouds or sexy name fool you, NGC 2818 is simply out of gas. The central star which fueled the nebula ran out of juice a few lights years ago, going from nuclear reaction to little traction in the blink of an interstellar eye.

Ricardo Clark overall had a solid game, as his time in Germany has sharpened his passing and positional sense. However, at the international level, it is the half seconds of indecision that decide games. In the 6th minute, he lost track of Steven Gerrard and gifted England the opening goal. Just like that, the US found itself chasing the game. While Rico recovered to put in a strong second half, the US may not be so lucky against opponents with a better possession game.

Our beloved, scattered Milky Way – Michael Bradley

A closer look at the Milky Way reveals that underneath a collection of stars, moons, and comets, lies layer after layer of ionized gas. No, this is not the type of gas you pump into your car with the goal of choking off humanity’s existence – this is the air-like particle stuff. And in outer space, it pervades almost every open centimeter.

Michael Bradley covered acres of grass, won lots of headers, and challenged Gerrard and Lampard at every corner. However, his passing lacked an offensive edge. Also, in the 63rd minute, he bit on a classic Lampard pump fake, but luckily Tim Howard was able to palm away the resulting pile driver. Little Bradley ran the whole game, but a few neater passes could save some tread on the tires in the next match.

A smudge or a moon? -Robbie Findley

Nobody doubts that Saturn has four moons after centuries of scientific observation, but still….if you looked at this Hubble Telescope image, wouldn’t you suspect a workaholic scientist had negligently and hastily washed off the lens wit his white lab coat sleeve?

Despite a lovely assist to Donovan in the warm up game against Turkey, doubts remain about Findley’s qualities at the international level. While his speed did draw a yellow card from Carragher, the Real Salt Lake forward often looked out of his depth in terms of touch and decisions. Only time will tell if he is a speed-demon replacement for Charlie Davies, or a one dimensional attacker not quite up to par.

The Spiraling Galaxies – Steve Cherundolo

Even solar systems can get lonely. Located inside the Great Bear constellation, the two galaxies of UGC 8335 have merged in a spiraling intertwine of tails and gas and stars and stuff. Still, will this bridge of materials ultimately pull apart both at the seams?

Steve Cherundolo had an active game down the right flank, contributing to the attack with energy and poise. However, he had more than a handful of shaky moments when left on an island against Shaun Wright Phillips. Granted, in the 51st minute he stood up the winger brilliantly. However, his overlapping runs often left the US exposed at the back. Unless a better balance is found, his spiraling runs may do more harm than good.

The Explosive Carina Nebula – Landon Donovan

The Carina Nebula explodes in a flurry of new stars on a daily basis. Despite being 7,500 light years away, walls of dust and gas cannot stop the brilliant light emanating from these fledgling stars. These young stars can produce jets that soar 850,000 miles per hour. Not bad.

Landon Donovan was arguably the best player of the first half. He buzzed around the  ball, diligently marked Glen Johnson, and his set piece delivery was sharp. His range of passing was on full display, with a first half cross leaving Jozy ashamed his header was not up to par. And in the second half, his quick sideline pass set Jozy on his way, only for the Haitian sensation to force a brilliant save from Greene. While he faded in the second half when England got a grip on the game, his diligence in defense helped limit the right side of the Three Lion’s attack.

The Patchwork Cluster – Carlos Bocanegra

Is 10 million enough for you? That is how many stars constitute the Omega Centauri cluster, which glitters like that neat Fourth of July party you planned, but that then retrogressed into intoxicated bottle rocket fights.

Carlos Bocanegra had a million moments of nerves and missteps in the first half, as Aaron Lennon regularly got around the makeshift left back. However, in the second half, Bocanegra found his feet and limited the crafty winger, getting turned in the 49th minute but then never looked back. Carlos changed his approach from “wait and see” to a physically assertive “stuck in early” style, and Lennon failed to make a lasting impact.

The Sombrero’s Spin – Clint Dempsey

Some things just look really cool. This galaxy is roughly the size of 800 billion suns, however at its center lies a 1-billion-solar-mass black hole. Astrologers originally thought this quaint solar system was originally just a little gas surrounding a star. They were wrong.

Clint Dempsey did not climb up the US ranks via the ODP pay-to-play suburban pyramid. No, Deuce skipped Bradenton to play college soccer at Fulham, yet for every coach that has doubted his ability, Deuce has proven them wrong time after time. While Clint had a quiet game by his standards, in the 40th minute his double pivot left England flatfooted, and his rifled shot spun out of the hands of the keeper and into the back of the net. A fluky goal? Yes. But the confidence to shoot and ability to create space had little to do with chance.

The Dying Star’s Fury- Jozy Altidore

When a human dies, we hold a funeral procession, bury the body, and end of story. Sure, from time to time you visit the grave to lay flowers, but let’s be honest – it’s been over a year and you don’t feel any guilt. Conversely, when a star dies, it releases rolling cauldrons gas up to 36,000 degrees Fahrenheit that can travel 600,00o miles per hour.

Jozy never looked entirely comfortable on his ankle, but his hold-up play and passing allowed the US to retain possession for extended spells. Also, in the 65th minute he turned Carragher and forced a brilliant save from Greene that ricocheted off the post. Yes, he could have done better on Donovan’s cross in the first half, but his energy despite an injury fueled the US attack.

The Dark Matter Matters – Tim Howard

I bet you  had no clue that dark matter was so shiny. That’s the issue, though, – dark matter can’t be seen. What can be seen, though, is how light bends around the substance. In this way, the power of dark matter is it’s subtle on surrounding stars and comets and asteroids.

Tim Howard spends the majority of the game as most goalies do – standing around and yelling. In fact, for most of the game, he doesn’t even show up on your TV screen. The English players also struggled to see Timmy, confusing him with the back of the net and routinely shooting into his grateful arms. Granted, Howard’s positioning was impeccable and timing perfect – Heskey had little option in the 51st minute, and Howard’s low punch in the 29th minute surely saved a goal.

Still, you got the idea that Tim had somehow gotten into England’s head. Inexplicably, both Shaun Wright Phillips and Aaron Lennon passed up open looks at goal to try square passes. Jedi mind tricks? Reputation? Respect? Never underestimate the power of the powers you can’t see…

Photo credits: Hubble Telescope (via Boston)