Don’t get me wrong – I think MLS is ahead of Europe and other leagues by streaming its own content on the site. I have been an MLSlive subscriber for several years, given my love of the Kansas City Wizards but the nomadic nature of the Native American tribe to which I belong. In this sense, MLS is ahead of the curve. But yes, the use this year of Microsoft Silverlight instead of the industry standard Adobe Flash is a bit troubling, yet manageable.

But what is not manageable is Garber’s apology. I demand more…

Before you think to yourself , oh boy, ” another over-the-top-satire-piece”, trust me – it is not. This time I am serious. Seriously serious. Dead serious. Leadership is more than hollow words to a journalist. Leadership is about setting the example. Leadership is about distrusting everyone, not letting go of anything, and doing every single individual task possible until you wake up one morning with an entirely bald scalp, nubs instead of fingers, and yet another no contest divorce hearing at the end of the month.

Thus, I suggest that the Don must design the website himself. Yep. Himself. And absolutely no help from Brian Phillips at the newly minted Run of Play. Nope, the Don must fly solo. No help from tech savvy KC Wizards defender Jimmy Conrad either. Only then will he learn…

But I will give him a few tips. Here are a few decent intro books on XHTML, Javascript, and even a little PHP. I’m pretty sure AJAX is beyond this edition of the MLS site, unless the Don wants to do some really cracked out, amazing stuff. Oh, and one other thing…

NO DREAMWEAVER. None of that template crap either. I demand the Don make the website from scratch. No, not quite handwritten with paper and ink. But close. Yep, I’m demanding this….

That’s right….Notepad. The best cooking comes from scratch. Would you eat some sort of hormone-injected monster cow hamburger? Maybe. But I wouldn’t. And MLS fans deserve better. Thus, the Don must start anew, the MLS website must begin from genesis, from alpha, from, from, from….le notepad.

I know your thoughts – isn’t this a bit harsh? Wouldn’t his time be better spent negotiating new TV deals and he could just pay some dude in India a few hundred bucks? I’m sorry, but the “pay some dude in India” ship has sailed – the Don must learn the nuts & bolts himself, or who knows what horrors lay in store for any potential official MLS mobile app. I can only imagine trying to check out some live match scores on my MyTouch3 and then, out of nowhere, Jeff Cunningham’s Severed Head floats onto the screen and his eyes pierce the essence of my soul.

I will, however, give the Don some general guidance, free of charge and based on my extensive engineering experience. Here’s the first step…

Now that’s the simple part, the introductory header. Be sure to use the most recent edition of XHTML, don. The next few lines are even more important as they form the “body.” This part is really hard! Trust me, I once thought about buying a book on this but later reneged.  Here’s a sample….

I’m not sure if XHTML relies on semi-colons like past editions, so the Don will have to check up on that. But you get the gist, even if I’m not the queen of the w3 compliance check-ups. And now the most important part, the footer. Please pay very special attention…

This last section must be copied WORD FOR WORD or the website will be plagued by hackers, viruses, and all sorts of DNS attacks. And if you happen to see the website sans that code snippet in your maxi, err, “I”, pad,  then watch out!

Thus, there you have it – a very general blueprint for how the MLS website can improve and how the Don can learn an important lesson in website design and leadership. And we christen this MLS season with it’s first commandment – ALL COMMISSIONERS SHALL HAND CODE THE MLS WEBSITE IF THE INITIAL DESIGN SUCKS

Let’s begin.

First: a soccer specific stadium does not guarantee success.

I am willing to concede this assertion – but surely this stadium is a step on the path to success. Would Mr. Mahoney rather the Wizards continue to play in a baseball park? Or, worse, yet, return to Arrowhead?

Second: Kansas City consistently lags at the bottom of attendance figures.

Well, well, a duel of statistics? I begin by showing my philosophical objection, ad naseum. Now, I note that the highly successful Wizards of 2004-05 had respectable figures when they were winning. Lastly, I note the chicken & egg effect.I have attended games at Arrowhead and the atmosphere was atrocious. Community America is a major improvement, but still a baseball stadium. I don’t think the new stadium will sell-out consistently anytime soon, but establishing roots and realistic expectations are the key to long-term development and “growth.”

Kansas City is the test case for “cross-marketing.” Basically, with high school soccer powers Rockhurst and St. Thomas Aquinas nearby, youth participation is very high in both gross numbers and per capita. Johnson County also recently opened a huge soccerplex, about two blocks from my old home.

Thus, with a positive attitude and a scientific method approach of experiment, fail, and learn, the city from the heartland can prove a viable laboratory for how we win over the soccer mom’s kids.

Third: Kansas City has a small population that is not cosmopolitan

Kansas City is a medium-sized city. True. Cosmopolitan? Well, while we may not always vote exclusively for that cultured of culture Democratic Party or spend days fretting about trust funds and estates and inheritances, we have been able to support both a baseball and football team for awhile. Wait, does this contradict Mr. Mahoney’s next criticism? Yes, yes it does.

Fourth: Kansas City has a history of baseball and football following

Fans are too caught up in the awful Royals and abysmal Chiefs to catch a Wizards game? Ha. If anything, the sport mad city is absolutely licking at the chops for a winner. A few years back under Tony Pena, the baseball team made a decent run at the wildcard and attendances soared. If the Wizards produce success on the field, Kansas City will respond. We midwesterners are very bottom line.

Fifth: Kansas City does not have NASL history like Phildadelphia.

Well, a cursory glance at Wikipedia reveals that the Kansas City Spurs won the NASL in 1969. Granted, the Spurs, like the Rockies of the NHL, left town after a short spell. Still, a stadium is about laying roots and a commitment to mid and long term ambitions, not how many fans will show up tomorrow to Jimmy Conrado Bobblehead night

Sixth: the ownership’s plan to attract college students is flawed.

The majority of this article shows the commitment of OnGoalLLC to get this project done – six years of hassling with both Missouri and Kansas government officials.Surely having resilient and persistent owners speaks well of the team and the league?

As for the advertising specifics, I would like to see the Wizards target subgroups like college students as a way to inject short term bumps into regular attendance, but I doubt this is OnGoal’s sole marketing strategy. In fact, most CEO’s delegate marketing to…marketers.

But it’s still cool the Wizards, the stadium, and OnGoal got a lead in a major sports publication. I hope this happens more frequently for the right reasons.

And, of course, my preferred terminology is strike the verb – “to strike a match.” TV deals, expansion and the MLS Expansion Draft, Seattle sellouts: MLS is a league on the rise. Yet Grant Wahl’s recent Becks book showed the pauper class primarily responsible, the overeducated and underpaid college graduates who toil from coast to coast in packed coach flights.

Well, they’re pissed. And the simmering tensions threaten to engulf a virgin forest of a league in the ensuing flames. 

I remember the NHL heyday in the last 90’s and early twenty first century, when the league expanded into the southern United States and the sky was the limit. However, when the CBA expired, disagreements arose because the commissioner insisted on “cost certainty.” Basically, the owners wanted a link between player’s salaries and team revenues. Players, of course, wanted free-for-all competition so that team owners would outbid one another for their services. The dispute led to the cancellation of the season, and the NHL is still recovering.

The current MLS dispute has the makings for a major problem. The MLS players union believes in a philosophical shift from the single entity structure to individual ownership. The MLS owners enjoy the current structure and want to talk dollars & cents – less onerous contracts and a decent pay bump. In sum, the two sides can’t even agree to disagree because one talks apples and the other oranges.

Despite the modest TV contract, very few MLS teams turn a profit. In fact, for the last decade, several owners have been eating losses on the sport for either love of the game or anticipation of long-term gains. Or perhaps they like to pretend they are mini-Sheiks.

Regardless, both sides feel underpaid and overextended. Owning the Columbus Crew does not carry the same prestige as Newcastle United (well, well). And puritanical restrictions on sports gambling prevent lucrative sponsorships like in the UK. So even though you could go to the BetUS site to place football bets, creative MLS owners could not place their moniker on a jersey.

So let’s assume the CBA expires and we enter into a lock-out/strike scenario. The MLS could alter its organizational rules to bring in South American talent all too happy for a paycheck in dollars. Conversely, US players could exodus to Scandinavia for a chilly paycheck. Think I’m crazy? Several NHL players plied their trade in Russia for the NHL lockout. Brush up on your Swedish, Conor Casey.

But where does that leave US fans? And how would that affect TV contracts with ESPN? And attracting new ownership? Olvidatelo!

My sincere hope is that the MLS players union has really good attorneys who have started off by asking for the world, but will gravitate towards the reality of a nascent league starting to grow some legs. In reality, a decent pay bump and the elimination of “option years” on rookie contracts would allow young MLS players to test European competition against stingy American owners. If I were a gambling man looking to beat the sports book spread, I’d lay down a fiver on this possibility. But I’m also a broke optimistic fool.

Regardless of motives and negotiation tactics and my not so subtle sponsor plugs, both the players and owners  should heed a warning from Prometheus. Fire consumes everything it touches, even it’s creator. Be careful before striking a match.