Noted American philosopher and novelist Ayn Rand has graciously cleared her hectic social schedule to answer a few questions about the MLS cup, David Beckham, and also her philosophy of “objectivism.” Please note that while I am a fan of MLS and respect Mr. Beckham’s sporting endeavors, I do not intend for this post to serve as an implicit or explicit endorsement of Ayn Rand’s philosophy. Or their implications for MLS. Nevertheless, as an intellectual celebrity, we were delighted to get a few words in with her.

Even if they don’t really clarify much of anything.

Editor: Ayn, few people know that before becoming a philosopher, you were actually a screenwriter in LA and playwright in New York. As such, MLS fans obviously want to know – were you secretly hoping for a LA Galaxy vs. NY Red Bulls final?

Ayn Rand: Everybody always wants to see the most productive geniuses at the highest level and to achieve greatness we must create systems that do not reward mediocrity. My attachment to those two clubs, though, comes purely from reason and the reason that the strongest, fastest, and swiftest must prevail or we as a society are collectively strangling them in the worst ways imaginable. The fact that I geographically occupied the same region should not be read as some sort of moral or emotional attachment. Only reason must drive the individual, and the individual’s attachment, or success will be unattainable.

Editor: So, um, with that in mind, do you think the MLS playoffs are okay? Should we just disregard geography entirely like they already sorta do? Or do you think the playoffs need to be tweaked? New York playing LA early on and in a Western conference game is kinda weird, right? But at least you must love the fact that both teams have lots of designated players and therefore have put serous pressure on the concept of a salary cap. Do objectivists dig the direction of the league? Do the “haves” in MLS not “have” enough?

Ayn Rand: The “haves” never “have” enough. The Beckham Rule was just the beginning of the inevitable – be it in Russia, or even now in Cuba. The strong will not be shackled for eternity by the mediocre demands of a weakly collective. The runts of the litter will enjoy their teet of milk for only so long, but they will die as the stronger thrive.

Editor: So you think eventually the designated player rule will swallow the salary cap and the Columbus Crew will cease to exist? Interesting. Now, changing gears, your philosophy of ‘objectivism” was pretty popular stateside but largely ignored by the intellectual elite as stubbornly nativist. The basic problem was that you just kinda assumed an objective reality existed free of language, and then built a philosophy on that. Similarly, MLS has arguably built a single entity-franchise model built on Wal-Mart principles that has failed to attract a whole lot of international attention. What do you have to say for you and MLS’ detractors?

Ayn Rand: Philosophers have always lashed out at me for a simple reason – science and technology have supplanted their importance and threatened their livelihood. The old guard of philosophy was built upon mysticism and faith, yet the industrial revolution improved medicine and extended the length and quality of life. Capitalism has rendered the average man incredibly intelligent and self-sufficient. The 21st century man and I have no time to squabble with ivory tower academics that preach blindness to an objective reality everybody can see but them. And as for MLS, the proper laissez-faire policies could allow the producers of greatness to do what they do best – produce greatness. Attention will then follow greatness – it always does.

Editor: Wow, so you’re for no salary cap? Then more international eyeballs will catch an MLS Game? But surely European debt problems at major clubs show that without any check on competition, the owners will spend themselves to death, right? Surely sport is distinct from other enterprises – in PCs, if we are left with only Microsoft, we’ll survive, but if we are left with only Manchester United in soccer, who the hell will they play?

Ayn Rand: I find your lack of faith disturbing. Where you see a monopoly, I see greatness personified atop a mountain’s peak. Do you really enjoy watching Manchester United play against Norwich on a cold Saturday morning? Regardless, you sound like the most cynical of social workers. Even mid-table teams don’t need coddling. The opposite is in order. For example, in terms of MLS, the elimination of a salary cap would allow the teams to recruit top players to then obtain more profit from people paying to see the improved product that they produce. How would that spell a death knoll? Your condescension and lack of faith in the producers belies your cynicism and is a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Editor: Um, what about the NASL? But that debate is beyond the scope of this interview and you sound like Data from TNG anytime somebody pokes a hole in your libertarian ideals. Thus, here’s a more practical topic: in terms of the actual MLS Cup Final, who did you expect to win – the LA Galaxy or the Houston Dynamo? Why?

Ayn Rand: Based on the past, often a poor rubric for predicting the future and success, one would think LA was more likely to produce the best product. LA also had a significantly higher investment in assets (players) and was playing the game in the comfort of their own designated industrial production zone (stadium).

Editor: Speaking of that “zone”, Los Angeles, I know that you have long argued that air pollution is a “scientific” problem, not a “political” one. However, anybody who’s flown to LAX can see the cloud of smog. I was in LA for a week and didn’t realize there were surrounding mountains. Surely Chad Barrett would be a step faster if he could breath during games, right?

Ayn Rand: Yet Chad Barrett had a good season and has never doubled over from a coughing attack. I do not blame you for imposing your-concerned-social-worker values upon a professional athlete, yet the freedom of labor and movement offer the solution. If one is not happy in their wonderful industrial metropolis, then the world offers many others full of fruitful occupations.

Editor: On that topic, in terms of the mobility of labor, MLS has continued to rely on the college draft to pick-up talent. However, in Europe, they usually sign teenagers and then send them to elite soccer-focused academies. You’ve come down pretty hard on American high schools and colleges – you believe they only confuse young minds and leave them in a state of disbelief. However, many professional athletes who have avoided this “land of disillusion and poor education” and made mad bank are poor within a few years of retirement. Can we agree that education at least teaches people to not be total idiots with their money?

Ayn Rand: No. Once again, your narrow-mindedness attempts to cleverly graft a sense of value upon flawed institutions. Who are you to judge the spending of another? Who are you to say that Mario Balotelli’s iPad does not bring him immeasurable joy? He has worked hard for his wages and has an objective right to spend them as he sees fit. The individual’s right to autonomous decisions, including the spending of wages acquired for production of soccer playing, should never been subject to such naive “altruistic” and “collective” considerations.

Editor: Alright, I figured you’d say as much. Now, and lastly, this is the most important question – now that his contract is up, will David Beckham re-sign with the LA Galaxy?

Ayn Rand: Maybe.

“Alison” by Elvis Costello & the Attractions

I wrote a guest post as part of 80′s month at the Equaliser. My topic of choice? The much-maligned NASL. And its end. While I tried to balance the emotional aspect with the business side, I focused more on accounting practices. Try not to yawn too close to your computer – you may hurt its feelings. But seriously, the post serves up a tech-bubble analogy and functions as a counterpoint to the risk-averse acolytes who insist on tight-purse strings in the modern day MLS.

I am fully braced for a troll-fest in the comments should an unfortunate forum link appear. Still, please do not link to any unfortunate forums.

Check it out here.

It seems like only yesterday I was posting my first thoughts via the tongue & cheek MLS Manifesto. The major gripe? As a Kansas City Spurs, err Wiz, err Wizards, err Sporting, supporter, I had grown up watching my heroes plod about in a cavernous and always empty American football stadium, Arrowhead. The move to Community America Ballpark, a minor league baseball field, was actually an improvement – I loved sitting on the lawn, glancing at soccer stats grafted onto a baseball scoreboard, and being super close to the players. You felt like you could hop the fence, push Davey Arnaud out of the way, and pump in a decent corner kick yourself. Even if I did joke about the stadium’s attempts at English-food eateries.

But those days have passed. Livestrong Sporting Park has opened. And here’s why that matters.

Sometimes sports writing digresses into a race to find-the-odd-angle. Well educated and competitive persons get connected to WordPress or, worse, a journalism degree, and it’s off to the races to see who can out-slant the other. FIFA is corrupt? Well, are they really? At other times, sports writing digresses into a follow-the-flock ocean of tediousness. How many of your favorite blogs now regularly post the same links among themselves? Cross-fertilization has turned into redundancy.

But that’s besides the point. No slant here. No brainiac battles. One word can describe my feelings as a hometown Kansas City Whatever supporter: joy. Nevertheless, Like a bastard child declared a rightful heir in a probate proceeding, my first instinctive reaction to the stadium announcement was to flash middle fingers at everybody within view.

Why?

For years, my friend Santi, his brother, some Argentines, and I were the cauldron before the cauldron supporter section even existed. We shouted obscenities in Spanish, we sang songs that nobody understood, and we did our best to fill Arrowhead with some rambunctiousness. If Kansas City’s soccer team was a plot of land, surely we had settled it first. Or so the thought process goes.

But the reality is that the game isn’t mine. The team isn’t mine. And my happiness does not spring so much from the recent shred of mainstream acceptance – far from it. Rather, I see something with my own two eyes that will last beyond me. I see a structure that I can touch and feel and smell. In a decades’ time, it will probably remain. More importantly, I see opportunity – for my young son and daughter to grow into chronically bored Midwestern adolescents, begging to catch a game because they’ve already seen every movie twice.

People will gripe about the current plodding “Wal-mart” model to MLS growth, but the pace and price of the NASL ran it off a cliff. The last decade has largely focused on the soccer fan, not launching fireworks to draw a fleetingly interested crowd. And now, my family and I can see the results firsthand. They are not spectacular. But they are special.

We’ve heard a lot about the digital media revolution and the impending doom of traditional print sports journalism. But in my country, Canada, there is a winner emerging, an old familiar friend that not only refuses to leave your home, but is presently raiding the fridge, asking if it’s okay if he takes the last Labatt Blue wedged in near the back. That’s right, I’m talking about AM Sports Talk Radio. And there is no sport better covered by our mic-inhaling shock jocks than the sport of soccer. You see, with the advent of MLS in Canada, especially with the addition of the Vancouver Whitecaps to the league, many print journalists are under the delusion that soccer and hockey can peacefully coincide in this country. That’s because writing is an inherently reflective exercise, which gets you bogged down in nuance, considered argument, and shades of grey. Thankfully, we have AM radio stations there to present off-the-top-of-your-head talking points, designed to get rush hour traffic victims riled up and angry about a sport they know or care little about and that poses zero threat to the dominance of the NHL in this country. Whenever the sport of soccer comes on, be prepared to be told that “we’ve been here before” and that the “NASL failed” and therefore “more people care about curling in Canada.” This is essentially all you need to know about the sport and all you will ever hear. Thank the AM dial’s little miracle: the microphone, CRTC license, and a group of insecure middle-aged men who will never be able to play the sports they believe they know everything about.

Richard’s website also lacks sufficient banner ads.

If the last few weeks were slow in terms of news, this past week was a terrifying maze of delicious games. Like a child in a candy-store, I pocketed as many Hershey’s Kisses in my SopCast player as I could when my parents weren’t looking. Sadly, this lack of focus left me a tummy ache and you, the reader, some less than consistent posting.

John Lennon once said “Life is what happens when you’re busy making other plans.” I have diverted a bit of my writing spirit to the mysterious forthcoming book. Curious readers want to know the book’s topic. Soccer. Duh. But seriously, I need a polished and approved final manuscript, the final drafts of illustrations, an ISBN number, and cover before I can spill the beans. And believe you me, beans will be spilled. There will be beans….spilled….everywhere. For now, rest content knowing that a beloved soccer blogger has graciously agreed to write the foreword. Thus, at least two pages won’t suck.

However, even the book hooplah excuse no longer holds up. In my rush to crank out a palatable ebook and pocket some cash on the Kindle easily-click-purchase model, I got a curious email from a “new media company.” Many of my favorite bloggers have gone legit, so I negotiated the fine line between de facto abandoning the site, ceding editorial control, and monetizing the site (sounds dirty, doesn’t it?). Negotiations have entered a final phase. I hope I strike the right balance. History will judge me.

Updates aside, let’s get back to futbol and enjoy last week’s smorgasbord of games. And a few lessons learned.

First, Sir Alex knows how to use a conventional telephone. Despite the rash of injuries to defenders, the touchline ban, and a few recent hiccups, United fans rejoiced when, during the Bolton game, the camera panned to Fergy chatting on a conventional phone. For the most part, we knew his obvious advice to the assistant manager. First, chew gum and give linesman the death stare. Second, in injury time, stand up and stare at your watch. Third, guide team to unexpected last-minute victory. Still, Old Trafford breathed a sight of relief.

Miraculous last-ditch win or deflating sucker punch, it depends on your affiliation. Sir Alex’s half-time substitution of Berbatov for Chicharito proved a masterstroke. Yet again, Manchester United proved itself a Houdini of a side, constantly deceiving its own fans into expecting a defeat or draw, only to emerge from the underwater coffin unscathed. And here’s the scary party – Sir Alex is currently learning how to “text message” as I write this post. Once, he masters the art, he may seek a permanent touchline ban just because he likes the view. If this happens, the orthopedic advantages of cushy public seating could add at least two years to his managerial career! Huzzah!

Second, Carlos Ancellotti’s trench coat has replaced his furled eyebrow as Chelsea’s official mascot. We will probably see the Fernando Torres signing as a watershed moment in both the Blues’ season and the history of soccer tactics: can a striker-less five man midfield work? Thus far, yes. Brazilians David Luiz and Ramires scored wonderful goals & the Blues overcame a cautious Manchester City. But how much longer can the Italian continue to rely on Torres not scoring goals? And as the Engish humidity approaches, will he shed his lucky trench coat like a Mancini scarf? Don’t bet on either.

Third, the loss to Sunderland in the Cup Final a few weeks back was neither the fault of Szczesny nor Koscielny. At the time of the incident, everybody pointed the finger at the defender and goalie for failing to deal with a long ball. However, this past weekend Squillaci and Almunia pulled off a similar stunt. Which leads to only two explanations. Either Wenger’s exclusive dressing-less Caesar salad & salmon diet for centerbacks & goalies needs a tweaking, or Jens Lehman must immediately start and Sol Campbell should have been re-signed in the summer.  And this summer, Wenger must bring back legends like Freddie Ljunberg, Robert Pires, Thierry Henry, and Patrick Vieira. No questions asked.

Fourth, the boring and monotonous La Liga two horse race saw non-shocking victories by the top two horses. Only when Real Madrid & Barcelona play 38 games will the season “merece la pena.” Although Villareal has been delightful and Valencia surprising from time-t0-time.

Fifth, MLS has started and you kinda care but not a whole lot. Yet. The transition from watching mid-season and in-form European level soccer to not-yet-fit MLS is difficult. Some never make the jump. But in mid-June, a few weeks after the Champions League final, you will make a good effort. And you’ll be surprised by the savvy Freddy Montero, speedy Agudelo, and penalty kick missing Henry.

Lastly, if you have not gotten Issue Zero of the Blizzard, then do so. Immediately.

Let’s create a seductive & self-serving personal narrative, shall we? First, let’s point to two interesting trends across the Atlantic. Many Americans are turning their gaze to the English Premiership. In part, soccer, the sport itself, draws a crowd with dynamic play. However, another factor is unhappiness with the status quo’s alternative sports. In particular, many Americans are disenchanted with the commercial-laden National Football League. TV timeouts ruin the flow of the game. Do we really need to have our heads polluted by Bud Lime immediately after each and every punt? By comparison, the Premier League’s 45 minutes of uninterrupted play is a pristine ocean. For Americans, soccer is the “new punk.” Arsenal are “The Clash” and London is calling.

However, across the Atlantic, many Brits turn to the amateur ranks and even the bundesliga. They view the EPL as a McDonald’s franchise. Some great blogs focus on the lower level leagues, and their readership swells by the day.  Folks are drawn to these less commercialized alternatives, seeking a more “pure form” of footy. In the Guardian, writer x reflects on the eternal struggle between noble amateur spirits and the cannibalistic capitalist entrepreneurs. Right? Right?

Or maybe, just maybe, this discourse overlooks a few important points.

The US and UK populations mentioned above share a common theme: they desire to leave the overly commercialized & known world for less materialist pleasures. This creates a dilemma I refer to as the Modest-Mouse-Complex (MMC) – once a large enough critical mass fills the college town dive bar to listen to “The Cold Part”, the industry executive gets wind and offers the record label deal. At that stage, “pop” singles become inevitable. Thus, this series of individual decisions adds up to effectively commercialize the product that was originally sought for not being overly commercialized.

But is the MMC theory really true? In a sense, depicting these individual consumers as entirely innocent is disingenuous. First, if we can glean anything from the indie rock pitchfork scene, it’s that insecure individuals will cling to knowledge as a refuge of exclusivity and superiority.  “Wait, you haven’t heard Sufjan Stevens’ B-sides from his high school garage band that were leaked six hours ago on Kazaa? Sheesh.” Should the knowledge within the soccer blogosphere be treated in a similar fashion? Underneath this view of knowledge lies a hyper-competitive individual seeking to assert superiority by consumption of increasingly esoteric tastes.

Thus, we would love to paint ourselves in the innocent light as consumers walking around a desert of materialism, looking for an oasis of meaning but being followed by vultures. The reality is that we are the vultures. The individuals who seek esoteric consumption are merely the vanguard, the advanced scouts, and they enjoy the first pick at the fresh carcass before everyone else arrives.

What I’m saying, then, is that in the age of instant information transfers and widespread internet we have no escape. In 1970, Albert Heischman wrote a treatise on consumer preferences. He articulated three options when faced with a certain good: “Exit, Voice, or Loyalty.” The GPS, cellphone camera, and netbook have killed the “exit” option – we can no longer cannonball into an unknown swimming pool of amateurism. So what can we do? What should we do?

First and foremost, an honest self-assessment: you are a consumer. Look at yourself in the mirror. Smile. Look at those teeth. Look at those eyes. Look as those ears. You live in a material world. You consume material things. Second, after accepting this fact, you must examine your motives. Is knowledge a means to stroke your ego? Or something to be shared and spread with those less fortunate? Third, you must acknowledge consequences. When you venture into new, uncharted waters, a crowd will follow. Will you just keep sailing?

Solutions abound. Loyalty and voice can combine to fight back the obnoxious elements of over-commercialization. Don’t like the bud lime ads? Change your consumer preferences to a TiVo and zip past them.  You can even explore altruistic methods – while I mercilessly mocked supporters’ trusts last year because they are not a panacea to club driven debt, a more active role in your consumption of football may be warranted. Be more than an idle spectator.

The temptation is to paint globalization in broad brushstrokes and lament the loss of “local customs.” From an economists’ perspective, some customs are simply superior to others. Also, customs are neither static nor eternal. Football is a microcosm of this. The interchange between Spaniards and Englishmen has left the Spanish much more direct & assertive in the offensive third – adding an aerial threat and cutting edge to their native intricate midfield play. Thus, globalization does not wipe away local customs – it mixes them in a pot with other customs. And you, as an assertive, informed, (and inevitable) consumer, can exercise your preference for the local way. Or not. But remember: what you decide has consequences beyond yourself.

So the next time you feel that you’ve discovered the next “great sporting thing,” the next amateur league or foreign professional campeonato, accept the truth. You may have entered a pristine nursery…but you just left the sanatorium. Cover your mouth when you cough.

Digital Image Impression: the amazingly talented artist Erik Ebeling. Check out his other work at ErikEbelingArt .

Don’t make that face. Don’t lie to me. As an individual with a blog and access to Google search analytics, I know the superficial truth and the deeper truth. You hate Landon.The phrase “Donovan is a b$$$ch” populates my website with trolls in waiting. Yet the irony drapes the window of your soul like a curtain. You hate him, yet you actively seek to read about him?

I suggest professional help for the both of you. Like a failed marriage, attempts at reconciliation are a good idea. However, at some point you feel your stomach churn when you get a certain somebody’s tweets. The world turns and spontaneous calls to “check in” turn into needy cries for affection. But a professional can help.

As your trusted blogger, I will agree to file a fan’s dissolution petition for significantly less than the going “attorney” rate. And I’m not like that notary who filed a frivolous asylum petition that got your undocumented friend in hot water. Consto!

So let’s begin.

First, Donovan is destitute. The recession has hit us all in odd ways. He is not getting an Everton-easy-payday-loan this winter, so he has to scrape by on his MLS salary. This is easy when you rent an apartment and drive a clunker, but Mr. Donovan has serious obligations – he’s so down on his luck that he has to drink tapwater. From a fountain.

Second, see that ring finger? Yep, Donovan is divorced. He is going through a traumatic and painful times, so he deserves your sympathies like any other human being. Plus, based on his MLS salary and lack of Everton cash, he included a request for “spousal support.” Generally, spousal support is available when one member of the couple assumed a “caretaker role.” So don’t believe your eyes and ignore the television – Landon did not travel non-stop to play sports, he spent all day at home baking brownies for his actress wife. Now that she’s gone, he simply has no alternative means to sustain himself.

Third, Donovan did not disappoint on the field. He scored a heroic goal against Algeria to advance at the World Cup. True, he did dedicate that goal to his estranged (and now ex) wife. Odd? Surely. Out of this world? Not entirely. And he also buried a clutch penalty kick to force extra-time vs. Ghana.

So, yeah, he does the occasional Mexican lottery commercial. He spills beans to journalists instead of confronting teammates. But, despite all that, he deserves your pity. So please, go your separate ways Dono-haters and leave the man alone.

This will totally surprise and awe you, but I have written a guestpost. Take a deep breath and let that reality set in. [Pause] The topic? The MLS Cup. Kinda. Rather, I focus on the ensuing lawsuit stemming from a certain defamatory NYTimes recap. Defamatory, you ask? What term? Pugnacious. I saw. Puzzled, you click here to read.

It has been a long time since I did one of these, so, in the spirit of Thanksgiving, I offer a buffet of delightful links and articles from the soccer blogosphere. Some may be a bit old, but rest assured, they are worth your read.

First, Ryan Babel. Okay, stop snickering. Apparently, unlike every single LFC fan who looks back at Rafa with partial memory loss and loving eyes, he does not exhibit the bias of Ted Bundy’s mom. Rather, he displays his own egotistical streak, tweeting about how he was not allowed extra-training sessions. Poor baby. (The Spoiler)

Second, Andrei Arshavin. His form for Arsenal has been far from supreme, despite some nice assists. However, he has returned to the world wide web with a delightful round of questions and answers. His responses range from tactful avoidance to abrasively sardonic. You shall enjoy them. (Dirty Tackle)

Third, Richard Whittall has continued his meta-love for blogging about soccer blogging. Granted, we may never see him incorporate his suggestions and conclusions into his own blog, because that would require blogging about soccer, not blogging about blogging about soccer. Of course, this very paragraph is me blogging about blogging about blogging about soccer, so I’m just as guilty if not more so. Confused? Good. Richard thinks among MLS blogs there are too many boxes of wine, not enough bottles. Read here. (A More Splendid Life). The site re-design is also gorrrrrrrrrrgeous.

Fourth, if you are not already reading In Bed With Maradona, then that’s okay – just like the horseless carriage and coldbox-for-food, it’s a recent contraption that will soon go out of fashion like the suit and tie. In the meantime, enjoy their article on the complex questions presented by asylum seekers in the UK that are modestly talented at footy. (In Bed With Maradona)

Fifth, continuing the theme with soccer as a tool of social justice, guest writer Fernando Romero penned this gem about pick-up soccer & day labor organizing in Los Angeles. Is every jornalero at his heart a futbolista? And how is soccer, a unique game with 22 simultaneous moving individuals, capable of uniting this at times disjointed and aloof low income community? (From A Left Wing)

Lastly, though Futfanatico was sadly not named for any of the more mainstream blogger awards, we remind you that we are very much in contention for the annual, prestigious “Best Soccer Blog with Futfanatico in the URL” award. However, right now we are only beating Soccerlens by two votes!

Vote below. Please.