Explaining the Majesty of Collective Madness & Info Overload

Twice a year, fans turn their attention to the “just good enough” teams in their respective leagues. In the US, every March we glue our collective eyes to the first and second round of the NCAA tournament, when a slate of do-or-die games offers chances for an upset but also unceremonious exits. In May, the prospect of relegation looms like a guillotine for European soccer teams at the bottom of their respective tables. There’s just one problem.

Most of these teams suck. So why do we watch?

1) A Collective Media Conspiracy. Most of the time, the last game day of the European season offers few surprises at the top. Often, the champion has already accumulated enough points to field a ghost team. Sure, sometimes clubs duke it out for a “Europa league” slot, but that doesn’t exactly stir the pulse. Thus, perhaps we only watch because the media tells us it’s important. Maybe we only watch because “it’s what’s on.” When march madness sweeps across the US, one can hardly turn on the radio without mention of brackets and upsets.

So, yes the media saturates itself. It certainly is a cycle. But demand has to come from somewhere. Thus, perhaps….

2) People Go Slumming. After a season of carefully ironing your Fernando Torres’ Chelsea jersey on Friday evenings before match day, you decide to spice things up by lowering your standards. Most fans don’t know the geographic location of the NCAA first round teams or the European clubs facing relegation – Bucknell? Blackpool? Instead, like Eddie Murphy’s downtown LA sojourn of yesteryear, we rely on our instincts. The fact that we have never heard of this team adds to their “slum cred.”

Sure, every now & then a Cinderella will find a slipper that fits. This year, everybody wanted Blackpool to stay up in the EPL. Butler has similarly tugged at America’s heartstrings in the NCAA tournament.  But this is more Pretty Woman than royal wedding. The teams we watch lack transfer funds (or the NCAA equivalent of brand & facilities) and competent personnel. In a sense, they are beneath us. Yet we slowly lower ourselves down, hoping for a short but pleasant ride.

3) Some Love the Macabre. Some people adore gore. Relegation and NCAA games show an inordinate amount of footage of fans. Faces get covered in disgust, dismay, and despair. In the EPL, a hideous own-goal all but relegated everybody’s darling Blackpool. I turned my face away from the computer out of respect. But some people love to see blood spilled. And the absolutely terrifying image of Michael Owen scoring a goal (!!) soon graced the screen. Ugghh.

4) Love of the Underdog. This is the most optimistic explanation. And the least likely. At least in European relegation battles. In the NCAA, the one-off playoff gives every team a sling of a rock to beat Goliath. The do-or-die nature forces top teams to play each game with intensity or face an early exit. Thus, Americans cross our fingers, hold our breath, and pray for Duke to lose in the first round to Tuscaloosa State A & M. It rarely happens, but it’s possible.

Relegation in European soccer is the opposite. While the NCAA tournament gives every team a single shot to take down the elite, relegation pits the runts of the littler in a brawl for the last tit. The weakest three face an enormous drop in revenue. And here’s the diabolical part: while you may root for, say, Wigan, to stay up, that doesn’t translate to a love of the underdog. Because of the zero-sum nature of relegation, your love for Wigan translates to hatred for Wolverhampton (what did they ever do to you?). You’re basically the captain of a raft and picking which minion to not toss to sea.

And you love every minute of it.

5) We are Pavlov’s Dogs. Push the button & get your pellet.This explanation has the best sociological evidence. If you can call sociology “evidence.” Basically, Pavlov conducted a study whereby dogs were trained to associate a ringing bell with food. Similarly, the remote control, television, and now computers have conditioned us to associate media consumption and “being in the know” with feelings of pleasure. After all, communication can be condensed, but at some point you lose efficiency gains and we are just fucking pressing buttons to press buttons. Is twitter not the greatest ADD gratification concept ever unleashed?

This is a decent explanation, at least for people with addictive personalities. Who don’t like to go slumming.

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