Arsenal lost the Carling Cup final in comically embarrassing fashion. However, veteran Emmanuel Eboue took aside the crying Jack Wilshere to give him a few tips. What valuable tome of wisdom did the Ivorian bench warmer read to the young Englishman?
Here’s a transcript of the heartfelt and sagacious dialogue.
Eboue: What’s the matter Jack?
Wilshere: (Sobbing) It feels so awful, so very very awful, after all that hard work and…
Eboue: Come on Jackie, what’s really bothering you?
Wilshere: Didn’t you just see how we lost? In the 89th minute? Were you even watching the game?
Eboue: (Pauses) Do you even know what’s bothering you? Come over here. I know exactly what’s going on up here (Points to forehead).
Wilshere: Look, Manny, I know I’m a young player and we’ll have a chance at more titles, but today we only had to beat a relegation-threatened club by one goal to lift a trophy. My heart is tied in knots.
Eboue: (Still pointing to forehead) Jackie boy. The solution lies up here. There’s only one way to make sure a loss doesn’t beat you twice…and that’s a good eyebrow plucking.
Wilshere: What? What are you talking about?
Eboue: (Points to Wilshere’s eyebrows) Yep. Nothing is more relaxing then sitting back, feeling a soft pair of hands apply hot wax to your forehead and then, bam, the warm feeling of precision plucks. I won’t lie – it will hurt at first. And it looks like you’re badly in need of one.
Wilshere: Plucking my eyebrows? What are you talking about? That sounds painful.
Eboue: Jackie – No pain, no gain. Xavi has won the Champions League and World Cup in the last two years. Why? He plucks his eyebrows at least twice a day. In fact, I hear he actually has to pay to re-insert hair on his forehead around where his natural eyebrows used to be. Mere coincidence?
Wilshere: Manny, I have a lot of respect for you, but I like my eyebrows the way they are.
Eboue: Fine. Give me a ring when you’re no longer in denial. And you want to actually win something.
Photo: AP
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The world needs more Eboue, someone needs to get him a blog. Great stuff!