The following is a dramatization of a typical free kick conversation between Lionel Messi & Xavi Hernandez.
Messi: “Xavi, what are you thinking?”
Xavi: “Huh?”
Messi: “Well, when you cup your mouth like that, you appear to be in deep thought. What’s the plan for this free kick?”
Xavi: “Oh, I wasn’t thinking. I don’t know – you want to take it?”
Messi: “What? What were you doing? Do your lips itch or something?”
Xavi: “I’d rather…I’d rather not say. Are you going to take this free kick or should I?”
Messi: “Don’t change the subject – what were you doing with your hand?”
Xavi: “I was…I was picking my nose. I hate going home to watch myself play and, bam, in the middle of 100 completed passes I dig my finger into my nostril like a burning spear into an elephant’s carcass. Thus, I wait until free kicks or corners to cover my mouth and let the side of my knuckle do all the dirty work. Did you notice? I bet you didn’t have any idea.”
Messi: “…….so, can I take this free kick?”
Xavi: “[Coughs] ugghhh, yeah, sure. Stupid cold. Just about choked myself with that one.”
Messi: “……..”
Photo credit: ARIS MESSINIS/AFP/Getty Images
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