Don’t make that face. Don’t lie to me. As an individual with a blog and access to Google search analytics, I know the superficial truth and the deeper truth. You hate Landon.The phrase “Donovan is a b$$$ch” populates my website with trolls in waiting. Yet the irony drapes the window of your soul like a curtain. You hate him, yet you actively seek to read about him?
I suggest professional help for the both of you. Like a failed marriage, attempts at reconciliation are a good idea. However, at some point you feel your stomach churn when you get a certain somebody’s tweets. The world turns and spontaneous calls to “check in” turn into needy cries for affection. But a professional can help.
As your trusted blogger, I will agree to file a fan’s dissolution petition for significantly less than the going “attorney” rate. And I’m not like that notary who filed a frivolous asylum petition that got your undocumented friend in hot water. Consto!
So let’s begin.
First, Donovan is destitute. The recession has hit us all in odd ways. He is not getting an Everton-easy-payday-loan this winter, so he has to scrape by on his MLS salary. This is easy when you rent an apartment and drive a clunker, but Mr. Donovan has serious obligations – he’s so down on his luck that he has to drink tapwater. From a fountain.
Second, see that ring finger? Yep, Donovan is divorced. He is going through a traumatic and painful times, so he deserves your sympathies like any other human being. Plus, based on his MLS salary and lack of Everton cash, he included a request for “spousal support.” Generally, spousal support is available when one member of the couple assumed a “caretaker role.” So don’t believe your eyes and ignore the television – Landon did not travel non-stop to play sports, he spent all day at home baking brownies for his actress wife. Now that she’s gone, he simply has no alternative means to sustain himself.
Third, Donovan did not disappoint on the field. He scored a heroic goal against Algeria to advance at the World Cup. True, he did dedicate that goal to his estranged (and now ex) wife. Odd? Surely. Out of this world? Not entirely. And he also buried a clutch penalty kick to force extra-time vs. Ghana.
So, yeah, he does the occasional Mexican lottery commercial. He spills beans to journalists instead of confronting teammates. But, despite all that, he deserves your pity. So please, go your separate ways Dono-haters and leave the man alone.
No related posts.
“Yet the irony drapes the window of your soul like a curtain.”
I’m stealing that.
Sorry Webbie, but that word and all others are copyrighted. And everybody knows that globalization has not blown the concept of copyright law to smithereens. Nope, no sir.