At the age of 3, after a about a year of practice, Junito has finally formed into a budding forward with unlimited potential. After his physical style, epitomized by his use of a toy hammer in disputes with his older sister, we all assumed Junito would be a rough & tumble target forward, a Gattusito in the opposition’s eighteen yard box. We were wrong.
Junito is the ghost at the far post. No, he is not some vomiting and yelling Exorcist ghost, crying for attention. He is the ghost behind the door in the Sixth Sense, invisible to the naked eye but terrifying all the same. You may see dead people. But centerbacks don’t see Junito. He lives in their blind spot. Junito lurks in the the fourth dimension between the offside trap, the keeper’s reach, and the defender’s ability to turn their hips or step.
The defenders raise their arms and yell “fuera”, staring at the linesman and praying for a raised flag. But the net ripples as their shoulders sag in defeat. Junito’s two footed precision make a veteran surgeon’s hands look clumsy. Some doubted the wisdom of Junito practicing his goal celebration before he could barely walk. They were wrong.
The only problem is Junito’s precocious talents and exploits off the field.
No, don’t worry – no mags yet on the horizon for Junito. While a remarkably handsome and dashing son of a gun, Junito’s once frequent piropos have given way to a singular focus on footy. And the result speak for themselves. However, his self-confidence, killer instinct, and lack of empathy for the opposition has transferred to the family mascot. Yes. Junito’s biggest future problem is with PETA.
A few week ago, we obtained a pet chocoyito. Junito is positively obsessed with the pet bird, constantly carrying our mascota around the house. The dilemma is that, while Junito’s first touch with foot makes feathers feel like lead, his grasp of animals is a bit harsher. In other terms, he does not quite get the fact that this is a sentient entity with feelings.
The morenita de mis suenos and I have taken emergency measures for a variety of reasons. First, we believe in empathy and compassion for all living beings. Second, and perhaps more selfishly, I want to prevent any future public relations issues for Junito. Rumors of animal mistreatment could only cast doubt on his looming and inevitable transfer to Real Madrid. I’m not saying that Junito will be some buddhist-Baggio that rubs elbows with Popes, but I don’t want him to be the ruthless Cristiano Ronaldo of the animal kingdom either.
The big step has been to place our choyo in a gigantic jaula so that Junito cannot reach him. However, like a much much younger version of Pippo Inzaghi, last night we caught him snooping around the birdcage. Cristhian asked him – “que haces por aca?” Junito replied, “buscando leche.” The darting eyes. The mischievous grin. He knew the jaula was nowhere near the cocina or the refry.
I can see the same facial expression on HDTV ten years from now, smiling & winking at a linesman with a raised flag.
“Una patada a Xavi? Yo no fui….”
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