We have touched on stadium naming rights, but now it appears that West Ham United, considering a move from Upton Park to Olympic accommodations, is considering changing the club name to reflect the posh new digs. The name? “West Ham Olympic.” Let’s suspend disbelief – let’s not immediately dismiss out of hand the preposterous notion of naming a club after a stadium that will in all likelihood change corporate names every five years and be obsolete after a decade.

Let’s indulge West Ham and brainstorm a few creative monikers based on Olympic mascots past. Here we go…

The West Ham Collection of Young Professional Friends

Hello there. We are a collection of young professional friends who all live in downtown Vancouver. We live a vapid existence of sitting in coffee shops and talking about past failed relationships, over-examining current relationship prospects, and being cautiously optimistic about future relationship prospects. We have not reproduced and do not plan on it in the near future. Check out our TV show on network TV weeknights right after CSI: Manitoba.

The Westham Unsuspecting Alien Asian

I am Nini and do not believe my birth certificate – I may look like I’m 6 years old, but I’m really a 15 year old Gold medal gymnast. Do not be turned off by my elaborate headdress and green attire – I do not mean any harm. Also, do not let my height and weight fool you – the always reliable government of public growth reports that I am growing by 10 inches and 100 pounds a year. Please, please, buy me. Buy me. Buy….me…..

The West Ham Closeted Apartment Mates

Why hello there. We are best friends that have happened to share an apartment for well over a decade. We do not date and understand one another in a preternaturally suspicious fashion, but your suspicions are unfounded. We are never physically affectionate in public and are not legally married. The apartment we share does only have one bedroom and one bed, but that is to cut down on heating costs. Please…don’t tell our parents.

The West Ham What the Fucks

Hi’ya! What happens when an organizing committee overspends on construction development and has a bad case of the embezzle-bumps? Why, they have to cut costs on anything they can, including advertising! Thus you get me, a puppet fashioned together from scraps of cloth purchased at garage sales, flea markets, and thrift stops. Have you ever wondered what the anti-Christ would look like after touching down on Earth? Bet you didn’t expect him to have a big old smile! Aw shucks, ya made me blush!

I won’t bother with a vote, because it’s obvious the clear winner is….

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