11
Jan
Written by: Elliott
Every star player’s career starts as a collection of trite similes. If fortune smiles upon this young man, he will play for a top club and be compared to the ghosts of European Cups past. But then, one day, his performances will cast away the fog of history like the sun rising over the mornings’ mist. Gonzalo Higuain, I extend sincere congratulations because, sob sob, you really really remind me of Gonzalo Higuain.
A few others concur in my assessment….
The old, cagey fan. “You know what I like most about this whipper snapper, aside from them young legs? His attitude. He sat on some benches behind some other guys, and he didn’t brood, he didn’t complain. He just schemed and planned and trained like a man. He’s got a bit of Higuain in him, that young’en, and in today’s footballing world of dancy nancies, a little Higuain goes a long way.”
The ignorant, casual young fan. “Oh my gosh for Christmas, like, I asked for a Gonzalo Higuain jersey, and, like, when I woke up in the morning, I ran down the stairs, tore open all the presents, and found my very own gleaming, bright, clean as a new sheet, white Gonzalo Higuain jersey! I can’t wait to go to the game and wear it and be like, hey, I have your jersey! Sooo Higuain!”
The male-as-object female-centered soccer blog. “Do you know who he’s dating? Do you care? Do I care. Did you see those legs? He made Daniel Alves look like an ugly Brazilian demon that hopefully upon expiration will take his rightful place at Mephistopheles’ side. And the hair. He’s a total Higuainy!”
The petulant troll-laden soccer forum. “Dude, every single player sucks and should play harder. I am so mad that a player missed a game to witness the birth of his child – I had a fiver and everything. Cunt. But not Higuain – this guy plays really hard every game. That’s why I brilliantly have incorporated his name into my username: Higuain.”
The over-educated-underpaid quasi literary soccer blog. See above.
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