21
Dec
Written by: Elliott
The long and arduous Premiership journey has reached the halfway point, as a handful of teams gaze upon the summit and the rest fear a crashing fall back to Earth. But how can we quantify such a qualitative championship? With our best efforts, that’s how. And a little inspiration.
David Bowie’s glower has already helped us in ranking the top of the premiership, as has Cantinflas, the flower of 1950’s Mexican cinema. And, well, we are running out of words that rhyme with power. Please email suggestions. In the meantime, enjoy a look at the great towers of legendary architect Gaudi. We present your EPL tower rankings.
The Magnum Opus Pieces – Chelsea
The Sagrada Familia, a large Roman Catholic Church, initiated construction in 1882. While long considered the obra maestra of Gaudi, one must beg the question: when will we enjoy the finished opus? Realistic estimates place completion around 2026. Note how the construction cranes seamlessly blend in with the looming towers, as if, as if…Gaudi himself knew this blueprint would be in perpetual construction.
Chelsea relied on a controversial penalty to tie a slippery passing West Ham side, but the African Cup of Nations will pose Carlos Ancelotti problems. Can an incomplete Chelsea side continue to get results without the likes of Didier Drogba or John Obi Mikel? The Blues currently sit atop the Premiership, but points may not come so easily in January.
The Battling Casa Battlo – Arsenal
When designing this magnificence mansion, Gaudi appeared to have one simple goal in mind: avoid straight lines. The bending back of the building and the turret and cross on top has led to an intriguing theory: is the estate’s structure a dragon being stabbed by good old St. George? I actually think it represents an apatosaurus with a hardened calcium deposit on the spinal column, but the Fullbright people did not care to indulge my research request.
Arsenal continue to play attractive, mazy, and at times quixotic football. Still, despite a win at Anfield and being 2 points from United, Gunners’ fans themselves do not know how to feel about Arsenal. With so many quality strikers on the trainer’s table and Vela still struggling with the pace of the EPL, Wenger has put his faith in the diminutive Arshavin as the tip of his offensive triangle.
It has succeeded thus far, but against negative tactics and physical defending, the Gunners may rely on the heads of Gallas and Vermaeleen for goals, a frightening prospect. And while Alexander Song has started to shine, national team duties with Camaroon will snatch him away. As one cold-overed blogger lamented,”Oh, these Gunners…”
The Crass and Costly Casa Mila -Manchester United
Gaudi needed to turn a buck, so he often worked for wealthy patrons. The couple who hired him for the Casa Mila was Pere Mila, an ostentatious developer, and Rosario Segimon, an affluent widow. In fact, one joke states that Pere only married Segimon for her guardiola, Spanish for a “piggybank” and also her deceased husband’s last name. I am unclear if Pep descended from this lineage, but that would explain his dapper Burberry designer ties.
The Fulham loss merely shone light on the dark state of the United backline. Carrick, not known for his tackling in midfield, was never going to make Red Devils fans forget Rio or Evans. And Fletcher at right back, one of the positions most dependent on pace in the EPL? I like to think with enough force a square peg can enter a circle, but…United just need to spend money this winter break. And lots of it.
The Guell Park Facelift – AstonVilla
When Gaudi designed the Guell Park, he confronted a monumental task: turn the decrepit remains of a failed housing development into a tribute to nature. And he succeed in stunning fashion. Gaudi was so happy with the resulting product, that he purchased a house “La Torre Rosa” which is located at the park’s entrance.
The Villains, based on their meager 3 losses, are tough to beat. Martin O’Neill has not dramatically remade last year’s side, but instead has instilled a tremendous spirit. And…Ashley Young has dazzled. The victory at Old Trafford was stunning and easily the highlight thus far, and all Villains smile to look down the table at the Barry-inspired City.
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December 21st, 2009 at 7:58 pm
[...] English Premier League Tower Rankings “The long and arduous Premiership journey has reached the halfway point, as a handful of teams gaze upon the summit and the rest fear a crashing fall back to Earth. But how can we quantify such a qualitative championship? With our best efforts, that’s how. And a little inspiration. David Bowie’s glower has already helped us in ranking the top of the premiership, as has Cantinflas, the flower of 1950’s Mexican cinema. And, well, we are running out of words that rhyme with power. Please email suggestions. In the meantime, enjoy a look at the great towers of legendary architect Gaudi. We present your EPL tower rankings.” (futfanatico) [...]
December 22nd, 2009 at 10:09 pm
And what is Anfield?!
December 23rd, 2009 at 1:07 am
I was trying to avoid a blogging traffic bludgeon, but I respect you Rob and will answer – the crypt in Colonia Guell