Well, class, this is it. This is the moment of truth – I will finally see which of you rabblerousers have been prestando atencion (paying attention), and which ones have been skimming the text in hopes of cool videos. This is the ultima clase (last class) in your nascent Spanglish careers. Well, at least official class. I still promise some filthy spanglish from time-to-time, and with Dieguito going to South Africa, count on youtube updates by-the-minute. But still, the tears…the tears just aren´t coming.

Please keep your lapices (pencils) on your escritorios (desks) and refrain from beginning the prueba (exam) until time is called.  Scratch that – this is an open note, collaborative exam. Please post your answer in the comments section for everyone else to see. But beware – wrong answers will be ridiculed.

We will begin with a delightful goal involving Ronaldinho of Barcelona-fame. 1) How would you describe said species of goal?

Don’t get discouraged. It’s only one question – and if you blew it, there are still more. Here’s the next scenario. A player feathers a pass to the onrushing Kun. 2) What kind of pass?

Alright, now we move onto the dark art of the defense and tackling. 3) What could you call this sort of stompery?

I don’t want to rub any salt in the wounds, but Giusseppe Rossi is a young, rising starlet. 4) How would you describe such a promising young man?

When FC Barcelona came to the States in the summer of 2006, I had the pleasure of seeing them play at Giants Stadium. Except for Lilian Thuram. Watching the once great defender lumber around was painful. 5) How would you describe this late 30’s defender?

Juan Roman Riquelme has played centermid for various clubs. 6) What would you call his midfield position. 7) From what kind of shot does he score most of his goals?

Alright, so far so good. Time for a break and some mockery of mainstream media. “En fuego” makes little-to-no-sense in Spanish. If someone were literally on fire, you would say “encendido.” If someone is playing exceptionally well, you would say “enrachado” or “estar de racha.” Racha means basically a “good run.” But you can have a “mala racha.” Please, never EVER say or type or think “en fuego.” It brings to mind “on fire,” as in “standing on fire.” But can you stand on fire” No. Fire is not a solid object. Back to the questions.

A slightly more complex task. 8 ) What is the name of this type of kick? 9) What is the name for this type of goal scored? And this time no help from a Spanish-language video.

Now on to a more recent lesson and example. 10) What did Alcocorn do to Real Madrid in the first leg of their Copa del Rey match?

And now, for those smart alecks who have stretched beyond the literal-dictionary Spanish to embrace the culture, I have an extra-credit question. First, watch this incredibly amusing David Bisbal music video (Don’t worry it makes no sense in any language). Second, 11) What is buleria?

It really has been a blast, and just a few tips on your upcoming visit to Spain (as gleamed from Mr. Bisbal).

1. Do not date the girl in the red dress.
2. Do carry a gun, especially if you go to a bullfight.
3. Do not button the top buttons of your shirt when wandering the mountains of Andalucia.

Congrats on graduating from the Futfanatico school of Spanglish. The South Americans say “recibirse”, the Spaniards “graduarse”, and the Central Americans “promocionar.” As for the Mexicans, we just say “hacer graduating.”

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