Okay, so the last lesson we did on the offensive part of the pitch was a bit short. Still, the distinction between “gol” and “gooooool” and “golaaaaaazo” is an important one. But I once again heeded to your calls, and this lesson will focus on goalscoring. More specifically, how exactly one scores a goal. Well, “tu pateas una pelota o la cabeceas” – you kick a ball or head it. So simple!

I begin with one of my all time favorite terms, the “churrigol.” Let´s speculate on the etymology. A “churrito” is a delicious pastry with cinnamon and creamy, sugary powder. I know what you´re thinking – this sneezy old professor always gets sidetracked and can´t relate to the young people. YES, I know that churrito is commonly used to describe a burrito purchased at chipotle´s. But that is just plain wrong. Okay…a compromise – when hanging out with your white middleschool-aged friends you can use the word like that. But only occassionally.

Back to the lesson. A churrigol is basically a “crap goal” requiring little-to-no-skill. An optimist may refer to it as a fortunate set of circumstances, and the masters of the churrigol as known as “pescadores” in South America and “repolleros” in Central America. Pescador means “fisherman,” but pescar can mean “to hunt”, and thus the translation most sensical is “poacher.” Repollero comes from “repollo”, which is the disgusting green leaf substances that passes for salad.

Here is an example:

When you think of pescador, think of Ruud Van Nilestrooy sleeping at the far post. When you think of repollero, think of Filippo Inzaghi´s first goal against Liverpool in the 2007 Champions League final. Actually, think of any of Pippo´s goals. Pescador-repollero can also refer to forwards that lounge offsides (posicion adelantada/fuera de juego).

Did you just think of David Terezeguet? Me too.

We know turn from the crass the class. We have already talked about the Diez (attacking midfielder), but how do you say his preferred tactic – the pass to space? While we have already discussed the split-sliderule pass (pase entrelineas), what happens when that pass is airborne?

I prefer the term cucharrita (little spoon), as in the motion made when you spoon out a bit of sugar from a container and then drop it into your morning coffee. Another popular term is arco iris (rainbow), which reflects the arc of the pass as it grazes over Jamie Carragher´s head before delicately dropping to the ground.

Of course, there is term which refers to both the chip and split pass to space. The word is “balon filtrado.” Filtrado means filtered, like the filter in the work cofee machine you are supposed to clean after using but do not. Your co-workers really appreciate that. But let´s end on a positive note: mouthwatering Xavi balones filtrados (and a few golazos)…

Your homework is to watch a Barcelona game and count how many balones filtrados you see. This is your very last tarea, so please take it seriously. You just may be quizzed!

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