Diego Maradona, el pibe diez, Dieguito, the undisputed greatest footballer of all time…from Argentina. I once again refrain from wading into the Diego-Pele debate, but whom did I write about first? Hint. But now onto Diego´s playing and coaching career, prime fodder for dizzying heights and seafloor lows.

Diego Maradona scored the greatest goal in the history of the sport, so show some respect. Granted, Argentina already boasted a 1-0 lead over England, but still, to dance through that many defenders, from center court, in a World Cup elimination game, is impressive. Watch. Rinse. Repeat.

And who scored the first goal? Glad you asked. Watch, and watch very closely.

Did you see it? Yeah. Disappointed, I know. If a defender uses his hand like that in the box, its a penalty kick. But not Diego. I look at the goal as a colossal reffing blunder, but it has been dubbed La Mano de Dios (the Hand of God) for Diego´s quirky post-match remarks.

Still, Argentina went on to win the 1986 World Cup riding on Diego´s back, and he led the nation to a final appearance vs. Germany in 1990.  The ride in Italy 1990 was especially tumultuous, as the Argentines eeked by on penalty kick victories until…losing the final to Germany 1-0 on an indisputable penalty kick call. Still, a victory over Italy in Italy impresses, even if Dieguito missed his spotkick against Yugoslavia in the quaterfinal. And the assist in the 1-0 win over Brazil? Immaculate.

But in 1994, at the World Cup in the United States, the wheels came off the wagon. Maradonna failed a drug test after a stellar game vs. Nigeria, and could not stand to watch his side lose from a hotel room. If you speak Spanish, I recommend this brief video documentary. For Spanish textophiles, el Grafico, the preeminent South American soccer revista, has a heartbreaking interview. This was the end of Diego´s career with la seleccion.

In Argentina, Diego is a god for Buenos Aires superclub Boca Jrs., even though his first club was Argentinos Jrs. Here are some video highlights…

His club career in Italy was equally successful, where he led modest Napoli to several serie A titles. However, reports indicated rampant substance abuse and a mythical fake penis to pass tests. The fake penis is still at large, reportedly sharing an apartment with Elvis near Roswell, New Mexico. If you are a private collector and have it in your possession, please return it to the Smithsonian where it belongs.

Maradona´s bad habit lead to a year long suspesion in 1991. He has suffered two heart attacks as a result of substance abuse-obesity, the most recent in 2004. Before that heart attack, Diego had befriended Castro and lived in Cuba for several years to rehabilitate. However, with time to kill and a taste for Latin American despots, Dieguito visited Venezuela to lend Hugo Chavez a hand with reelection. Neither turned out so well.

And of course, despite having the time, he did not bother to return to Italy to pay the $30 million he owes in backtaxes. No, instead, everytime he travels to Italy, the tax collectors confiscate his jewelry. Lovely. Classy. Dieguito.

Could things get any worse for El Pibe? Yes, because after Argentina´s loss to Chile in 2008, the AFA asked him to be the Argentine coach. And he said yes. Cue slasher-film slowmotion reel and creepy music.

The qualification campaign was a rollercoaster. The unquestionable lowpoint was the 3-1 home loss to Brazil. But just as ugly, and more fun to watch, was the 6-1 loss in Bolivia. Cringe. Smile. Laugh. Cry.

But the Pibe, despite some sputtering to the press, stood by his guns and selected local boy Martin Palermo and pibe Gonzalo Higuain in the crucial home qualifier against Peru. Both scored, gifting Diego a win and prompting this.

Is this a managerial career high? An impressive slip-and-slide toss to be sure, but what you would expect of a coach? His away victory over Uruguay to qualify was a testament to negative albeit shrewd tactics, even if his press conference afterwards lacked class.

Maradona´s coaching career has mirrored the rollercoaster ride of his playing days – and, to his critics dismay, his side has classified for South Africa 2010. But we all know what Maradona thinks of said critics. And what Argentines think of Maradona.

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