Alright folks, I have some bad news. Sortof. The Spanglish classes are just a tad too popular and the hosting company has sent me some emails. I am also weary of being “the cool professor.” Are the notes written and passed in the back of the classroom concerning schoolgirl crushes? Pay attention! And also, share your computer. Instead of emailing this article to a friend, invite that friend over and the two of you can sit and read at the same time. It will be awkward at first but…

Today we begin with an air of uncertainty. One of my favorite offensive maneuvers, known in the UK as “the slide rule pass” and the US as “the split,” similarly has confounded Hispanics both sides of the Atlantic. While the Spaniards prefer the elegant sounding “pase entrelineas,” (pass between lines),  in Mexico and South America there is lots of talk of “huequitos.” Hueco means a hollow space between two solid objects. I am not referring to your rib cage and the absence of a heart, but rather the five feet between Ricardo Carvalho and Bosingwa. It is prime real estate.

Finally, we move to a  point of confusion. You no doubt have heard the term “goooooooool.” But what does the term “golazo” exactly mean? Sadly, the Real Academia sheds no light in their shadowy nether region. So I will. Golazo is not merely a long-distance blast; that would be “a distancia” or a “zapatazo.” Rather, golazo is a beautiful, fantastic, amazing goal.

Okay, no more optional assignments. Your homework is to watch episode after episode of 12 corazones until you can correctly guess the number of “parejitas” formed.

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