Barcelona vs. Real Madrid As Explained By A Trite Journalist

Posted on January 26, 2012 by Elliott

So, in case you have resided in a cave on the large rock in outer space formerly known as planet Pluto, Real Madrid played Barcelona in the 2nd leg of the Copa del Rey. Based on secondhand accounts, ’twas a most enjoyable spectacle. Teams scored goals. Teams kicked soccer balls. Teams ran. At the end of 90 minutes, the two teams tied 2-2. On global goal difference, Barcelona advanced 4-3. Most importantly, Pepe did not stamp on anybody’s hands and Busquets did not call any players mono. Thus, Barca fans accepted the narrowest of victories and Madrid fans  boasted about effort & dedication & spirit.

Yet, of course, a third class of person watched the game. The kind that write under deadline pressures. Here is what he or she or it wrote in a vain attempt to explain the sporting phenomena. Continue reading “Barcelona vs. Real Madrid As Explained By A Trite Journalist” »

Posted in Barcelona, Real Madrid | Tagged | 14 Comments

Charting Success – What US Exports Say About Your EPL Club

Posted on January 25, 2012 by Elliott

Posted in EPL | Tagged | 1 Comment

Frank Lampard – the Diary of an Old Midfielder

Posted on January 23, 2012 by Elliott

The Frank Lampard Appreciation Society offers another unique, unadulterated glimpse into the voyage of life of one tragic Monseur Lampeur. Continue reading “Frank Lampard – the Diary of an Old Midfielder” »

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Puebla FC: Your Personal Tax Grumblings Pale In Comparison

Posted on January 16, 2012 by Elliott

Puebla FC is a professional football club. It is based in Mexico. USMNT player Herculez Gomez played for them. Currently, DeMarcus Beasley plays for them. In the US, teams go belly up and enter bankruptcy. In the UK, they enter administration. In Mexico, things are a bit more gun ho – due to a recent tax dispute between the state and federal government, the Mexican Federal Government seized Puebla’s stadium, equipment, and even their coach bus.

The Federalis even went so far as to mark the bus with the dreaded SAT sticker of death. As somebody who has personally been excluded and marked by vicious, clicky, and sticker-loving grade school children, my heart goes out to the Puebla FC fans. Read all about it with your Google Translator here.

And you thought Harry Redknapp had tax problems.

Regular blogging, if such a thing exists, shall resume in a week or so. Until then, enjoy this Kaka-related guest post of mine at the excellent Fisted Away.

(Via Reddit & DeMarcus Beasley)

Get the Best of Futfanatico 2011 for only $1 here.

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The Ultimate in Affordable Soccer Christmas Gifts Por un Dolar

Posted on December 21, 2011 by Elliott

It’s been a wonderful year. I’m enjoying the soccer as always, the site looks half-decent, and the writing has been flowing at a steady clip. I’ve also gotten some dollars & cents out of writing about soccer, albeit not enough to rock things even part-time. Still, I’m grateful and I owe it all to you – thanks dude or dudette who Googled some random soccer term, probably “Raul Gonzalez” or “Sergio Ramos girlfriend”, came to my site, clicked on a banner ad, and never returned.

And you, the reader? When was the last time you clicked on an ad? Sadly, this year hasn’t been all good news. My site unfortunately has started to suffer from a plague of voyeuristic vultures – folks that come by three to four times a week, read the latest post, sometimes leave a comment, and then leave without even clicking goodbye.

But I have a plan. Continue reading “The Ultimate in Affordable Soccer Christmas Gifts Por un Dolar” »

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OWN GOALS – Some Footy Links for the Holiday Season

Posted on December 21, 2011 by Elliott

Christmas time fast approaches. Slowly, the universe disconnects from the web. We sip eggnog. We talk with family members. We exchange gifts. Co-workers get embarrassingly drunk at holiday parties. Dormant hands get grabby. Title VII lawsuits get filed soon thereafter. But before you sign that release of claim waiver and confidentiality agreement, enjoy these footy links: Continue reading “OWN GOALS – Some Footy Links for the Holiday Season” »

Posted in Barcelona, EPL | Tagged | Leave a comment

Calculated Logic Behind Liverpool’s Defense of Luis Suarez

Posted on December 21, 2011 by Elliott

I wrote a thoughtful piece at the Run of Play on linguistic differences between Spanish and English. Since then, the FA has banned Luis Suarez for 8 games based on allegations that he made racist remarks. I don’t care to get into the mucky and murky waters of administrative proceedings. Rather, I want to focus on Liverpool’s official statement in response. Why? Well, because unlike other snobby bloggers, I can see the logic. The calculation is simple, yet makes perfect sense.

And now we must take this logic to its rightful conclusion. Continue reading “Calculated Logic Behind Liverpool’s Defense of Luis Suarez” »

Posted in EPL | Tagged , | 10 Comments

Robin Van Persie to Barca – the Unspoken, Inevitable Transfer

Posted on December 19, 2011 by Elliott

Kids have dreams. And we all dream of being a star. When I was about eight years old, I opened my first ever Excel spreadsheet. It blew me away. The charts. The formulas. The numbers. From that day on, I dreamed of someday being an adult and spending all day looking at Excel Spreadsheets and trying to maximize EBITDA for high revenue but low profit multinational corporate entities. I also foolishly hoped to someday create elaborate PowerPoints to disseminate this knowledge to half-interested executives and lower-level management.

And my name is Arsene Wenger. Continue reading “Robin Van Persie to Barca – the Unspoken, Inevitable Transfer” »

Posted in Arsenal, Barcelona | Tagged | 9 Comments

Essential Tips For Restoring Fernando Torres’ Confidence

Posted on December 15, 2011 by Elliott

Players are people. If you prick them, they bleed. Despite a professional existence that involves getting kicked, not all are invincible shoulder-goal-popping memes. They have feelings. If they sit on the bench for not scoring goals, then their confidence dips and they score less goals. It’s a brutal cycle. And it’s one in which Fernando Torres finds himself.

But there is hope. Thanks to my total lack of knowledge, education, and experience as neither a psychiatrist nor a coach, I have some ideas for El Nino. We can hopefully restore his confidence in a few simple steps. Continue reading “Essential Tips For Restoring Fernando Torres’ Confidence” »

Posted in EPL | Tagged | 2 Comments

The Recent Highs & Lows of Manchester United fandom

Posted on December 14, 2011 by Elliott

For the last decade, the greatest benefit to being a Manchester United fan has been the license to perpetually wear a smug grin of satisfaction. Liverpool only qualified for the UEFA league again? Poor King Kenny. At least Andy Carroll has curbed his drinking problem and keeps the bench nice & warm during winter. Arsenal struggling to start the season? Well, at least they’ll get a cash injection from Barcelona in the transfer window. Lately, though, the tides have turned.

Continue reading “The Recent Highs & Lows of Manchester United fandom” »

Posted in Champions League, EPL, Manchester United | Tagged | 3 Comments
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